darkforcerising | OPEN POST

It was refreshing to step off a ship ramp and onto grass and breathe crisp, clear air. Anakin was not reminded of Naboo, thankfully, even though there was a lakehouse and a lake. This place was quite different, colder, bluer, it felt different, he could even hear it in the sounds the birds made in the trees.

"If Luke ever finds out his sister got this and he was dropped on a trash planet," he said to his own amusement.

They made it to a path that lead up to the lakehouse.

"You don't have to drag me," he said, still amused. But he didn't let go of Obi-Wan's hand and readily followed him inside the building.

He'd wanted this for Anakin so much that he was almost caught off guard, even knowing that he needed a rest somewhere better than Tatooine, by how good the place felt to him.

He didn't feel anything like the only places that had ever come close to being 'home' (the Temple and Tatooine) - but there was something about the mountains, the water, the greenery and wildlife that soothed him.

He grinned a little wryly and slowed down so he was just walking with Anakin along the path toward the house. Inside it was bright, and light, and clean but not sterile. That felt pretty good, too.

"He's loved and safe. Though I do wish he was somewhere more pleasant." He couldn't think of anywhere to move him, though, so it was what it was. "We're going to stay here for a few days, barring emergency. I know we seem to be taking more and longer breaks, but this was... an opportunity I didn't want to let go."

Anakin figured that that was the case when the idyllic setting and building came into view.

He smiled at Obi-Wan and then took the lead searching for the bedroom because he just knew a place like this would have a bed worth giving up the rebellion for. It was in the second room he checked and now he was dragging Obi-Wan over to the bed and into as he turned and fell back against the extreme fluffy softness.

He moaned and that turned into a hum and a laugh as his body first protested like he was torturing it, but as it started recognizing this was 'good' it relaxed into the unbelievable comfort.

"I'm stealing the bed when we leave."

He wasn't sure what Anakin was looking for, just that he was searching for something.

Then Anakin found it and he very nearly laughed, himself. Of course. Anakin had mentioned getting Bail to procure 'decent' beds for them more than once. Watching him fall into it, groan and then relax was so... satisfying.

Hearing Anakin laugh, though, was even better.

He didn't fling himself into the bed or even fall into it, but moved to sit on the edge beside Anakin.

"I think he might let you take it, if you ask. Making stealing fairly unnecessary. Though I don't know where we'd put it...." It was a pretty big bed.

Anakin couldn't let Obi-Wan just sit there. He tugged at his arm to pull him down, too.

"We'll get rid of everything in the living room. Come down here."

He liked sitting there! It was a great angle for Anakin watching.

He let Anakin pull him down, anyway. Then sort of yelped when his back protested the lack of support and rolled immediately onto his side and... sighed with contentment and settled his hand on Anakin's chest.

"Fine, but no mechanical parts in the bed." Ever. Use the kitchen table.

Anakin rolled to his side as well and found Obi-Wan's mouth with his own. "Fair," he managed to say at one point, but the deal made, he didn't have anything further to say. He just wanted to enjoy this moment with Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan returned the kiss, warm and deep but incredibly lazily. It was probably not a surprise that in a stable, safe, location with a lot of life thrumming in the force around him and physically uncomfortable lack of sleep started to catch up with him.

He stopped himself from falling asleep, but not with a violent start, just -

"There's something you need to know before we sleep."

Anakin pulled back. "Alright." He had enough sense not to make a joke. He brushed Obi-Wan's hair back, following the curve of his ear. "What is it?"

He tilted his head slightly with the touch, because he was pretty comfortable and tired and moving with it was just... nice? easy? Both?

"That wasn't the first time I'd used the dark side; it wasn't your fault, in any respect."

Anakin was shocked to stillness by Obi-Wan's confession and the weird mix of emotions that came with it. He tried to hold as much of his emotions back because they weren't exactly relevant, they were an initial reaction. And Obi-Wan was trying to be open with him - which was a painfully rare occurrence.

"When?" he asked, moving his hand down to Obi-Wan's.

He nudged gently at Anakin in the Force, along that bond they'd developed. He didn't try to get to the emotions Anakin was withholding, but he did want Anakin to know it was okay to feel things.

He threaded his fingers through Anakin's, but kept his grip light and breakable.

"The trip Bail and I took at the start of the war."

Anakin was confused for a second, because it took him a moment to remember when that was. And it took him a while because he wasn't fully informed about it until after it happened. And even then he didn't get much detail. Those were old aches and he tried all the more to keep his feelings back - he knew he was allowed to feel things, but this wasn't about him.

"You never told me about it, what happened?"

He was rapidly remembering why he hadn't wanted to have this conversation and realizing maybe convincing himself that it would be useful was a mistake.

He was also not entirely sure of that.

Maybe he was learning something about how hurtful having things kept from you could be. Even if it was for protection - or more practical reasons.

Maybe.

"The security system for the Sith temple we were investigating was a... telepathically projecting artifact, specifically targeted toward Jedi. The planet itself was, of course, entirely steeped in Darkness. I spent a good deal of time not... coherent, I suppose. At one point I hallucinated and was very much using the Dark Side." No, not as bad as choosing that he'd done on the Star Destroyer, but it wasn't like he was some avatar of Light before then.

Whatever weird, confusing mix of emotions Anakin was feeling solidified into something non-threatening and dissolved into concern.

He shifted closer to Obi-Wan and resumed stroking his fingers through his hair.

"I don't think being affected by a Dark Side artifact is your fault."

He was pretty confused by the concern - that was years ago, even for him. The fingers in his hair were nice, though, even nicer than the pure luxury of the mattress under him.

"I could argue with you about that, but I don't think it would be a productive use of time. The point is that I have used it before, though I did not decide to. I did this time, making it worse," as in a worse failing, "but the familiarity was already there."

Anakin didn't take his hand away.

"Do you want to tell me what happened this time, all of it, yet?"

"I don't mind telling you, but I don't really think it's all that interesting. I woke up, used our Force connection to follow you, got myself onboard, tried to use the Force, couldn't get past my own fear and anger to reach anything but the Dark Side - and used it."

...That was a very accurate retelling, actually. It was lacking some things, and he wasn't unwilling to talk more, but it was the sort of debrief he'd give the Council and what he assumed Anakin would want.

That was not what Anakin had wanted, but he didn't scold Obi-Wan for giving a different answer. He just asked more questions.

"Why were you so afraid and angry?" He could guess at it, but it was better if Obi-Wan said it.

"When I was trying to tell Yoda and Mace why the Council ordering you to spy on Palpatine was such a mistake, I tried to explain your level of loyalty to them. I pointed out that if I could end the war one day sooner I would sacrifice even Yoda to do so and that I knew that Yoda would do the same - but that not only would you not do that, you would do anything within your power to get me back." He paused. This was awkward. It still, even now, felt like an admission of some sort of failing. Left over from talking to Yoda when it very much had been one. "I told him I would do the same for you. Even then. Now? I didn't even hesitate. And I'd do it again."

That did make Anakin afraid, for Obi-Wan's sake. And he didn't try to hold back that emotion.

"Obi-Wan," Anakin said with compassion and empathy, because he understood. "You'll always have me, unless you lose yourself. Even if I die, I'll be there, waiting for you to get there, too. And I don't mean as some amorphous, undefined existence in the Force. I literally mean, I will be waiting for you. You don't have to be afraid of losing me."

Those were words that would have benefited him a lifetime ago regarding his mother and Padme.

"Yes, I know." Qui-Gon. He knew, very literally, or as literally as he could at this stage of things, and he believed that.

It didn't... really matter to him for this. It was attachment, yes, and a near desperate fear reaction to being that attached, and an admission of a total lack of balance -

but it was also more complicated than that, or just his own feelings. There was a lot wrapped up in him, emotionally, in not letting anything happen to Anakin and how much more and better Anakin deserved than he'd had. But also in Anakin's role in the Resistance, somewhere in there.

"I'm fine, Anakin." And if he's not? There are more important things - and people. He was trying to reassure Anakin, because he didn't like Anakin afraid.

"Do you really think I'll just believe that?" he asked quietly. "I've been in your place before, I know what it feels like. I know you're not fine. And it's okay, Obi-Wan. Being not fine doesn't mean I'll leave... But I don't want you to pretend. That's only going to lead to things being really not fine."

"I'd rather you just believe that, than to be afraid." It's a very, very, honest answer and spoken with a total lack of eloquence. "I don't necessarily expect you to believe that I am okay, but I really don't know what else to be, either, and I really don't want you to be afraid."

"Ya, you know that's not how I function," Anakin said with a small smile. 'Believe and not be afraid' has never been Anakin's motto, no matter where he was.

"I'm afraid I'll lose you," Anakin said, hoping bold honesty would help. "Because indefinitely pretending things are fine when they are not won't make things okay. It almost always makes it worse."

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