darkforcerising | OPEN POST

He turned his attention to turning the hot water and tea into tea while Bail chose where to sit, sat, and put Leia down.

He could feel the tension all around, of course, and while he didn't truly understand - couldn't - he understood enough to feel terribly for both of them.

He handed Bail the mug of tea, then took one himself. There was one for Anakin, but he didn't want the baby to scald herself with it and the baby was headed that direction.

"That's good. Familiar places and her Dad should keep her happy." Dad being you Bail. Not reassuring for Anakin, maybe, but less hurtful than the opposite would be. Because Anakin knew who was raising his daughter and however much it hurt - he suspected was Anakin was also grateful.

Grateful and understanding didn't mean that Anakin wasn't hurt. A lot.

He was floored actually.

Why did Obi-Wan have to say that? Bail had his wife, her family, his family, supporting him. Anakin only had Obi-Wan.

On some level, Anakin knew Obi-Wan was just trying to help, but boy was that the not good to hear right then. And it placed Anakin in a position of having to manage a surge of emotion in real time without the benefit of privacy. He couldn't get up and leave, though part of him really wanted to because the only way to fully deal with these heated emotions was to sit with them until they passed and it was easier for him to do that on his own. He couldn't say anything, not that he really had anything to say about it, he knew that anything that itch to jump from his tongue first were thoughts that should be filtered. And an explanation would just make things unbearably worse.

He couldn't help feeling this meeting was a mistake.

Anakin knew he wouldn't be able to hide everything he was feeling from Obi-Wan due to the bond they'd forged together, but he withdrew as much as he could.

And he tried as much as possible to force his emotions aside and focus on Leia, who'd crawled to his legs and took liberty to use his knee to pull herself up to standing. It was a bit uncanny how she looked at him - with curiosity, but he couldn't shake that she was actually observing him.

He didn't know what he was allowed to do, if picking her up would upset Bail. He tried smiling at her, though his attempt was woefully weak. She cocked her head to the side and started moving along his leg, trying, it seemed to him, to get a better look at him.

He felt the response, though of course he was much more acutely aware of Anakin's withdrawal. His immediate response was to withdraw himself and do the best he could to shield his end of the bond between them.

His own emotional reaction was, at least, that way muted from Anakin as well. Even if it wasn't much more than a flash of fear, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and ... for lack of better description, a loss of confidence.

Not that he had much just then to start with.

He'd screwed up, he knew it, he didn't entirely understand how but he also knew there wasn't much he could do about it, right then.

He flinched physically, but very slightly, then schooled his expression back into something that was 'mildly interested' and sipped at his tea as he watched Anakin and the baby.

"How long has she been crawling?" He knew nothing about babies this young, except what he knew about Luke.

Oh this was a speeder train crash disaster driven by well meaning intentions. For a moment Bail had to scrambled for a way to navigate the metaphoric flying debris.

"Just a few months now."

For all the Jedi's empathic powers, Bail found that his study of social interactions sometimes surpassed those he knew in the Order. He wanted to think it was because of his dedication to a life of a politician had made him so adept, but he had to concede the pilot of his personal transport probably managed better than a Jedi with social customs of any number of aliens. It didn't make him appreciate his friend any less, just made him wonder what the Jedi actually taught.

Bail could tell this would go nowhere good without intervention. He appreciated Obi-Wan's attempts at trying to set him at ease, but Bail didn't want him doing it at the expense of his relationship with Anakin. Or at the expense of Anakin's feelings either, he realized. Leia was his and Breha's daughter as much as she was Anakin and Padme's. And it was time he acknowledged he didn't need to fear that would change. Nor would Leia's residency on Alderaan.

"Obi-Wan, I'm afraid I must be selfish. There are matters about the rebellion I wish to discuss with you." That was an absolute, face-saving lie. For everyone. And he hope Obi-Wan would realize that and forgive for it when the ruse was revealed. "Will you walk with me?" And he set down his cup and stood up without hearing first if Obi-Wan was coming.

He recognized it as a lie, though he didn't give Bail quite enough credit for realizing that maybe things between he and Anakin had gone sideways.

Or, really, he probably gave himself and Anakin too much credit for hiding it.

He put his own tea down, put the tray on an elevated surface where it would be safe from baby hands. "Of course," he agreed, easily, stood and followed Bail.

If nothing else time alone with Leia and being trusted with her would be - Well should and could be - nice for Anakin. Whether it really would be, he no longer had any idea.

Bail was grateful that Obi-Wan at least agreed to walk and talk. Bail led them outside to a path that wound around the property.

"Do I need to explain that I don't need to talk about the rebellion?" Best to clear that up first.

"You do not." That was fairly evident, he thought, though: "Though you do need to tell me what you do need to talk about."

He wasn't looking directly at Bail. He was too busy enjoying the light and air. It just - it felt good.

Bail held back the urge to smile or react to that at all, he just continued walking and hoped Obi-Wan would catch up without having to spell it out.

"How are you liking Alderaan?" he asked instead of addressing the obvious. Partially because he didn't want to embarrass Obi-Wan, and partially because he did want to know how Obi-Wan was doing since their last talk.

He shot Bail a baffled look, then assumed Bail needed the space from Anakin interesting with Leia and decided to let him have it.

"I like it. It's such a stark contrast to Tatooine. There's something inherently... restful about even the scenery."

Oh dear. Well, Bail can focus on Obi-Wan's wellbeing first. Because it mattered, too.

And, ya, he's more than a little proud of Alderaan. He lets himself smile about that.

"I've never been to Tatooine, but I can satisfy my curiosity with your opinion of the place. I wish it was safe for you to travel into Aldera. Breha would very much like to meet you." He sighed. "I shouldn't let myself dream of an end to the Empire yet."

"The problem with Tatooine for me is less the climate and more the amount of human suffering and being aware of what Anakin's history with the place is. Being somewhere that the government takes care of its please is... refreshing."

He's proud of you, Bail.

"And you should let yourself dream. Why wouldn't you?"

"The Senate has never been interested in the condition of the Outer Rim planets. The current state of things only makes their disinterest and neglect worse. Alderaan is privileged to be both ruled by competent leaders and situated so the Senate cares for its continued peaceful existence. If either one or the other or both should be taken away, I have no doubt Alderaan would suffer similarly to planets in the Outer Rim."

He worried about the loss of the Senate's support every day. Any moment his activities with the Rebellion could be discovered and at best Alderaan would be occupied.

"Is that what you are doing? Letting yourself dream?" Bail turned the question back on Obi-Wan with a wry look.

He didn't stop walking, but his steps slowed as he turned the question over in his head. "I think so. At least in as much as I am hopeful for a particular desired outcome." It was pretty much the same thing, right? "If those aren't there, why are we bothering at all?"

He probably had more real dreams beyond that, but getting rid of the empire was important, even if those other dreams were vague.

They could have a philosophical discussion about whether or not dreaming and hope were the same thing. Maybe another time when the gulf between the privileged and the the oppressed didn't make the simple discussion a farce.

"The galaxy could probably use some more dreams."

He let them walk a few more paces before asking a more serious question.

"How are you doing?"

They probably could have and they probably would never have it. Maybe limitations on where his hope stopped, or where a tired kind of resignation crept in - about gulfs between privileged and not, anyway.

He blinked at the question - and at Bail - and tilted his head a bit quizzically.

"Reasonably well. Sleep helped. Were you looking for something specific?" He was bothered about having screwed up with Anakin (badly, badly bothered), but he wasn't.... considering it a thing Bail would care about even if he'd noticed.

Bail couldn't stop himself from laughing briefly at Obi-Wan's response. As if their last meeting where Obi-Wan looked haggard and weary hadn't happened.

"The last time we talked, you just about collapsed in front of me. You seem better, but I'm asking to be sure."

It had happened, but: "I've slept, bathed, and eaten." Then he'd royally screwed up with Anakin, but: "It hadn't been that long being short on any of those, even sleep." Basically he had no grounds for complaint and also he was supposed to be handling this himself. "The visit here has helped and I'm grateful to it for my sake as well as Anakin's?"

"It's my understanding that needing respite matters based on what you needed in the moment, not if you had a good sleeping schedule prior to something disrupting that good health," Bail pointed out.

He supposed that was as detailed an explanation as he was going to get.

"I'm glad staying here has helped you and Anakin."

He tried fairly hard to parse that statement into something he knew how to respond to, but then just failed. Not that it didn't make sense; it did. That did not translate to knowing what to do with it.

"I'm surprised you were willing to leave Leia with him."

The smile fell into a more serious expression, though not too serious.

"You did say I could trust him. And I trust you... are you saying now I shouldn't?"

He shook his head slightly, and caught the faint scent of fruit from his hair. It kept him from getting too serious, too. "No. Just that it's a leap of faith and those can be hard."

"Yes," Bail agreed. "They can be. And... well, someone had to intervene to save your relationship."

He was silent for a moment, processing that and then smiled, faintly. "Yes. Undoubtedly. Though you might have had better luck sending me on an errand without you."

Bail stared at Obi-Wan for a moment before realizing maybe his friend didn't exactly know why Bail had chosen to remove himself from the meeting along with Obi-Wan. He didn't know if this was a Jedi thing, or just a general misunderstanding, and either way, Bail didn't want to barrel his way in unwanted.

But how did he say this politely.

"No, my presence was as much an issue as..." He stopped walking."You... don't know what the matter is, do you?"

"Oh, I know what I did - now." As in, he knew what he'd said, and what had happened. "That doesn't mean I have more than a very, very academic understanding of why and no, I had no idea your presence was a contributing factor, though I should have."

Which was not dismissal. He actually just figured it out then, because he was able to put the first statement into play to provide context for what he'd done.

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