darkforcerising | OPEN POST

"I'm not afraid of doing anything while you're asleep. I'm afraid I'll do something in the process of putting you to sleep."

What, he wasn't sure. He just knew -

"Directly messing with your mind after what I've done seems... dangerous. To you."

"Obi-Wan," Anakin asked, suddenly curious about something. He had a suspicion that he knew the answer, but had to ask. "Have you... used the Force at all since we left the Destroyer?"

He realized maybe he should have been paying more attention to something like that. They were open with each other, mentally, in the Force. But that wasn't the same as using it with purpose.

It wasn't as though he typically used the Force in many mundane ways.... More than he had been but it wasn't as though the difference were glaring.

He'd thought. Dammit.

He looked a little pained immediately. "That... depends on what you mean by use."

Obi-Wan's pedantic obfuscation earned him a kiss on the forehead. Because Anakin didn't need to define 'use' to know the answer.

"What did you do after Zygoola to help you feel comfortable using the Force again?"

"I didn't have any discomfort in the Force after I got away from Zygoola, because I wasn't choosing the Dark Side. I was choosing Light over and over and over again to push the darkness back. When I got back to the Temple I went to the Room of a Thousand Fountains, meditated and - I don't think I've ever felt more confident in being Jedi."

That was - probably more than Anakin bargained for, but he'd asked the right question to make Obi-Wan stop evading at least.

Anakin listened, a hand reached down and grabbed Obi-Wan's.

"After my mom died, and I killed the Raiders, I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how to be right again. Padme was there for me, she helped me believe I could use the Light Side again... And every time in the war when it felt like was sliding back over to the Dark Side again, I'd... reach for her and she brought me back again... Until the end, but we've agreed to blame Palpatine more, so." He was able to keep a good check on his emotions this time talking about Padme, Obi-Wan didn't need Anakin wallowing also.

Obi-Wan wasn't at all sure he didn't need Anakin wallowing.

Not that he noticed that there was anything applicable to him in there. He just held Anakin's hand and brushed his thumb back and forth across the side of Anakin's hand, in a way that was trying to be comforting and tried not to feel guilty.

"Padme was an amazing woman."

Well, if Obi-Wan wasn't going to get it with a gentle example, Anakin would just have to be blunt. "Obi-Wan, I'm Padme, here. You're me."

"Padme had much, much, better hair than you do...."

Yeah, yeah, he gets the point and example now, but that doesn't mean he likes it or wants anything to do with any part of this discussion. There was also the guilt stuff and how not saving Anakin meant repeatedly being saved by him was extra wrong.

But mostly that? That part? Was just pure fire back in humor because the image of Anakin as Padme, even if he otherwise got it, was quietly killing Obi-Wan.

Anakin propped himself up on an elbow.

"If I have to wear elaborate headdresses to get my point across, I will."

He moved his hand up to Obi-Wan's face and then leaned in to kiss him.

"I will always be here for you to turn to."

"Not the headdresses, but you should let your hair grow. Maybe by the time it moves past your shoulders and you start curling it I'll take advantage of that offer."

He'd done it once, he didn't want to do it again. He liked fair play and that wouldn't be fair.

Though he was reminded of a question (distraction) he'd wondered about and not quite asked: "Did Palpatine seriously imply I was sleeping with Padme?"

"Oh my god." Anakin's face fell. "I'm literally trying to kiss you."

He pulled back. He knew Obi-Wan was trying to distract him. But fine, if Obi-Wan didn't kissing or physical affection right now, Anakin could respect that. But if Obi-Wan wanted to use that, Anakin would go there.

"Yes. He did. He got inside my head and convinced me that Padme was having an affair with you so that I wouldn't trust either one of you, turn on you, and kill you. And the thing is, on the Dark Side, I wanted to. Is that what you want to talk about?"

He blinked a few times, startled and confused and then embarrassed, because he had not realized Anakin was trying to kiss him when he'd propped up like that.

"I'm sorry. That absolutely was not intentional and no need to talk about it, I just wanted to make sure I'd read that right. It seemed so ridiculous even at the time I wasn't sure."

Anakin was still stoney face. "Does knowing that answer help you?" Because it better have served a purpose.

"It does. It means it was an idea suggested to you, not something you thought I was capable of before then."

It was, actually, important to him. It also told him, a little more clearly, how very much a threat Palpatine considered him and that was... nice.

"And that helps you with being comfortable to use the Force again?" Anakin asked pointedly.

"...No. But it makes me more comfortable with you?" Which was - okay, not really all that useful overall, since he still didn't want to rely on Anakin that way, but it was more likely than if he'd been less comfortable?

"Are you saying this whole time that I've been back, that me thinking, when Palpatine was messing with my head, that you and Padme were having an affair has been bothering you and making you hold back with me?" Anakin asked.

"Mildly bothering me, yes. Holding me back, not that I've particularly noticed." Which was not saying a lot. "I don't even know what you're referencing with 'turn to you' Anakin, but I do know that getting more reliant on you is probably dangerous."

Anakin couldn't help it, it just slipped out, "Oh my god."

He sat up then swinging his legs over the side and turning his back to Obi-Wan.

"We just spent an hour and a half watching a movie about the importance of community and helping one another. You would be the one person to watch it and come out the otherside thinking 'it's important, but I don't deserve it.'"

He looked back over at Obi-Wan.

"Is that really what you want? You really want more distance between us?"

"No!"

He realized Anakin was irritated, but at this point he was also frustrated himself. Frustrated at himself mostly because: "I have no idea what you want me to do."

There... had to be an action in there somewhere, right?

Anakin sighed, but he was thinking how much he loved Obi-Wan. This stubborn, infuriating, entirely loveable man.

"You just... let me help you. That's it," Anakin said. "That's all you have to do. It's not any more dangerous that letting healers or medics take care of you when you get injured."

Help him what? Help him how? What kind of help and -

He made a low frustrated noise but it turned into a soft laugh. "I was never particularly good at that, either." At all though he had never admitted and still wasn't explaining how not at all safe that had felt. "Do you still want me to show you how to do this?"

"Really," Anakin said softly. "I hadn't noticed." He tried to keep his voice light so that the sarcasm wouldn't sting.

"Yes," he said but he cracked a small smile. "How many different ways do I need to say that I want to help you?"

"One, as long as there's a clear action attached...." He wasn't stung though his own tone was pretty self-depreciating. "Come back here and I'll... try."

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