darkforcerising | OPEN POST

That particular remark stopped him in his tracks.

That was the most reasonable, sensible, comprehensible thing anyone had said to him in --

well, quite a while and certainly ever said to him about relationships.

If he'd been a different sort of man he would have kissed Bail.

He literally stood stock still for a moment, mouth open because he got that. Was it easy to do? No. But he understood that and was so relieved that, in spite of everything....

He laughed.

If he hadn't, he might have cried from the same emotion:

Relief.

Oh, did something he say finally hit home? Bail was beginning to worry he'd lost his skill.

Bail smiled, dropping his hands and took up the more casual pose of holding them behind his back.

"Does this help solve some of your hesitations?"

"It does not make me any more confident, but it does mean I have some understanding which is progress and will help." It also meant he was less likely to argue with Anakin about being there, or so inclined to withdraw, if only by a bit. "Thank you."

"I'm glad I could help," Bail said, not mocking, but sincere.

"Do you want to continue on this path or turn back?"

"I would like to continue our walk. The time alone with Leia will be good for him and I will still try to need to clean up the mess I've made once I return."

Which - Okay was now his most pressing priority, but he was still somewhat tired and there was the whole darkside bit. "WHere's the nearest body of water?" It wasn't far, but getting to it-

"I think... that will be easier than you think," Bail said, just as content to continue walking.

"The lake wraps around just ahead."

"Ah, wonderful." He means that. He loves water - when it isn't falling out of the sky, anyway. "Do you use the lake for anything?"

"We have in the past," Bail said. "We have water vessels we can take out. Some of my cousins enjoy fishing, though it's not one of my past times. We haven't had time in a while, unfortunately."

He made a low, considering noise as he took in information about the nature and condition and the lake - and the nature and condition of Bail. "Can you swim?"

Bail laughed. "I can. Hardly anyone grows up on Alderaan and doesn't learn how to swim in their youth. But I haven't going swimming, recreationally since my youth... But... Maybe when Leia is old enough we will. Do you? Want to go swimming?"

Edited 2020-03-28 19:26 (UTC)

"Yes. The question is if I want to ask Anakin to bring Leia now so we can all enjoy the water and the weather." He'd take Anakin alone at some point regardless, and Bail needed as much of a break as he could possibly have, and also Anakin needed not to feel... excluded anymore by him.

Bail hesitated for a brief moment. "I think you should talk to him first, without me around. There will be another opportunity in the future for all of us to spend time at the lake." It was a confirmation that Bail was willing to do this again.

"Okay, but for now I'd also like to talk to him without Leia around, so why don't you go back and spend time with them both and I'll continue my walk for a while."

Because - well it seemed unfair to expose the baby to more emotional upheaval.

"Of course, take your time," Bail said with a kind smile. "You can either stay on this path and it will loop back to the lakehouse, or you can go back the way we came."

And with that he departed, hoping Obi-Wan was better off than when they'd started their walk. He liked to think his friend was.

He was better for his talk with Bail. He had learned some things that were important and would make the road forward from where he had been smoother - for him, and more importantly to him, for Anakin.

That wasn't to say smooth, but the important - see yourself through your partner's eyes - bit would also be sticking.

Meanwhile he had that to process, that he'd hurt Anakin and things he needed to say there to consider, and still all. the. absolute. shit. of having had to be saved from the dark by Anakin and the... shadows lurking around, it seemed, waiting for an opening.

So, he was better for time with Bail, grateful for his friendship but very much in need of a bit of time alone. He didn't meditate, but he did stop at the lake and sit for a while, watching the water and thinking (though not too deeply) and just breathing.

When he figured it had been 'long enough' he got up and walked forward along that path until he made his way back around the circle to the lake house.

Edited 2020-03-28 22:58 (UTC)

When Anakin had been left alone with Leia, he didn't know what he was supposed to do at first, still thinking he was blocked by social boundaries: he wasn't Leia's father, what could he even do?

But when it was clear that Obi-Wan, and he assumed Bail as well, were moving away from the lake house, Anakin opened up to the idea maybe he'd been given some time alone with Leia. She was still staring at him curiously, which was heartening for him. He scooped her up and put her in his lap and called his iPhone to him. He pulled up pictures of his time and earth and started explaining what he could about his life there. He couldn't tell Leia that he was one of her fathers or that Padme was one of her mothers. But he could still tell her things while he had her to himself.

***

Bail returned to the lake house and checked on Anakin and Leia. Part of him was anxious until he was able to see her again, and when he did, he inwardly scolded himself because seeing them together, Anakin holding a device for Leia to look at and touch, Leia watching the screen and reaching for it from time to time, he realized he didn't have anything to fear.

He quickly dispelled any notion he'd returned to take back Leia, yet, and excused himself to another part of the house to take care of senate business. From the window of the room he'd picked, he could see the paths that would bring Obi-Wan back to the lake house.

When he saw Obi-Wan emerge from the forest, he returned to Anakin and Leia and this time, though it was the first time he wasn't anxious about seeing Leia with Anakin, he told them it was time for Leia to leave.

Anakin stood and carried her to him and with a quiet, "Thank you," passed her over to him. He then turned and left the room, just as the front door was opening.

Bail went to say goodbye to Obi-Wan.

He spends long enough with Bail to give him a goodbye and to get a smile out of the tired baby in his arms.

That's about all the time he spent, though, because Anakin moving physically away from him... worried him a lot.

His inclination, as his quick goodbye demonstrated, was to find him. But once Bail was gone he found himself hesitating, quite a lot. He opened up his end of the bond between them more but didn't do more than have it be there as he followed toward Anakin - slowly.

If Anakin left the Maverick before he got there, so be it. If not he'd still just stand there and wait to be acknowledged.

Anakin was halfway to the Maverick when he felt Obi-Wan's Force presence along their bond become louder in a way that took him a moment to figure out. He'd been close to people in the Force before - he'd always had something with Obi-Wan. But the intensity of what they had now was actually quite new. He didn't always know what it meant.

He'd been able to hold his emotions back until that moment. Without an audience he finally let the tears spill from his eyes.

The answer he sent Obi-Wan in the Force was small, but it was an answer, and it wasn't a shove. He opened a small bit to Obi-Wan. Not fully. He couldn't handle that yet. But enough to show Obi-Wan he didn't mean to permanently shut him out.

He just needed to pull something apart and put it back together again as he pulled his emotions apart and put them into some semblance of order.

He was taking a panel off the wall, tools out at his knees, when Obi-Wan came aboard.

Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan.

"I- I want to fix this converter and then- and then I'll come back in for-" He didn't really remember what 'for' he should be there. What time was it? He realized he didn't know that either - was it lunch or dinner? He looked back at the exposed parts. "I just want to fix this converter."

He pulled back once he got an answer - not completely and not aggressively but toned it down a lot. His confidence in not being...contagious for want of a better word, was not high. Better about lots of things, but that particular one was going to take quite a while.

He was better enough to fake it pretty well and push through occasionally now, at least.

He nodded slightly at Anakin's words, staying where he was near the door. "Okay. Do you want to be alone while you do it?" He wasn't going to be hurt by a yes, but he wasn't going to guess, either.

Anakin didn't presume the purpose of Obi-Wan coming to him. From his experiences, he had no way to know Obi-Wan might be there to apologize. In the past, usually Anakin had to explain why he was hurt, and he didn't have it in him right now for that kind of self-advocacy. The way he saw it, Obi-Wan had already decided Bail was Leia's father, he was not. So he had two choices - try to explain how Obi-Wan was wrong, wherein, in the end he would have to admit even if Obi-Wan saw it his way, he would have to agree there was nothing to be done about it. Or he could figure out how to get over his emotions, which was basically mourn the idea of begin Leia's father because there was nothing to be done about it. The first was insurmountable as he currently felt - which was pretty low - and because each option ended on the same note, he chose the option over which he had the most control: himself.

He nodded. "I just need an hour," he said. And he pulled out his iPhone and set the alarm because he knew he couldn't judge that for himself. He highly doubted he'd be over this in a single hour, but he hoped he'd at least fell less raw.

There were elements of what Anakin was thinking that were accurate - namely that there really wasn't much to be done about the current situation, regardless.

And what he was there for - well, it could wait. It may as well wait. There wasn't much to be gained by ignoring a request for space, and there was a lot of reason not to do that.

"Okay," he said, quietly, and retreated again.

He went back into the house long enough to get something started for dinner, then retreated back outside to watch the water and to wait.

When the hour alarm chimed, Anakin did not feel near as ready as he'd hoped. How could he? But he was mostly finished, and it was time for dinner, and he was hungry, and he'd said he would come down in an hour.

He set his tools down.

In the kitchen, he assessed what he could help with.

"It smells good," he said quietly and focused on pulling down plates and cups and utensils.

"It does."

Not that he'd cooked so much as heated and assembled food that the place had been stocked with. It made things easier, now, in both keeping them fed and allowing them to relax.

...and right now in letting him not to have to focus much on the meal.

"Anakin...." He was quiet, but paused rather than carry on with dinner. "What I said was thoughtless and stupid, and I'm sorry I hurt you."

It felt weird - not in being an apology but in the... directness of addressing it. Like he was tripping over more words than he could possibly say.

Anakin was confused as well, because he wasn't expecting Obi-Wan to ... just say all that unprompted.

He wasn't trying to be obtuse, it was just sudden and he was trying to catch up.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at Obi-Wan. He blinked, because his eyes were stinging again and he was also trying to hold onto his emotions.

"What?" he didn't sound mad, just very confused.

He looked at Anakin in silence for a moment, still awkward and unsure and with way more feelings than words and no clear idea how to express most of the feelings, but.

"I was thoughtless, I was wrong, I'm sorry."

Fewer words, but repeating? That'd work, right?

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