darkforcerising | OPEN POST

He was better for his talk with Bail. He had learned some things that were important and would make the road forward from where he had been smoother - for him, and more importantly to him, for Anakin.

That wasn't to say smooth, but the important - see yourself through your partner's eyes - bit would also be sticking.

Meanwhile he had that to process, that he'd hurt Anakin and things he needed to say there to consider, and still all. the. absolute. shit. of having had to be saved from the dark by Anakin and the... shadows lurking around, it seemed, waiting for an opening.

So, he was better for time with Bail, grateful for his friendship but very much in need of a bit of time alone. He didn't meditate, but he did stop at the lake and sit for a while, watching the water and thinking (though not too deeply) and just breathing.

When he figured it had been 'long enough' he got up and walked forward along that path until he made his way back around the circle to the lake house.

Edited 2020-03-28 22:58 (UTC)

When Anakin had been left alone with Leia, he didn't know what he was supposed to do at first, still thinking he was blocked by social boundaries: he wasn't Leia's father, what could he even do?

But when it was clear that Obi-Wan, and he assumed Bail as well, were moving away from the lake house, Anakin opened up to the idea maybe he'd been given some time alone with Leia. She was still staring at him curiously, which was heartening for him. He scooped her up and put her in his lap and called his iPhone to him. He pulled up pictures of his time and earth and started explaining what he could about his life there. He couldn't tell Leia that he was one of her fathers or that Padme was one of her mothers. But he could still tell her things while he had her to himself.

***

Bail returned to the lake house and checked on Anakin and Leia. Part of him was anxious until he was able to see her again, and when he did, he inwardly scolded himself because seeing them together, Anakin holding a device for Leia to look at and touch, Leia watching the screen and reaching for it from time to time, he realized he didn't have anything to fear.

He quickly dispelled any notion he'd returned to take back Leia, yet, and excused himself to another part of the house to take care of senate business. From the window of the room he'd picked, he could see the paths that would bring Obi-Wan back to the lake house.

When he saw Obi-Wan emerge from the forest, he returned to Anakin and Leia and this time, though it was the first time he wasn't anxious about seeing Leia with Anakin, he told them it was time for Leia to leave.

Anakin stood and carried her to him and with a quiet, "Thank you," passed her over to him. He then turned and left the room, just as the front door was opening.

Bail went to say goodbye to Obi-Wan.

He spends long enough with Bail to give him a goodbye and to get a smile out of the tired baby in his arms.

That's about all the time he spent, though, because Anakin moving physically away from him... worried him a lot.

His inclination, as his quick goodbye demonstrated, was to find him. But once Bail was gone he found himself hesitating, quite a lot. He opened up his end of the bond between them more but didn't do more than have it be there as he followed toward Anakin - slowly.

If Anakin left the Maverick before he got there, so be it. If not he'd still just stand there and wait to be acknowledged.

Anakin was halfway to the Maverick when he felt Obi-Wan's Force presence along their bond become louder in a way that took him a moment to figure out. He'd been close to people in the Force before - he'd always had something with Obi-Wan. But the intensity of what they had now was actually quite new. He didn't always know what it meant.

He'd been able to hold his emotions back until that moment. Without an audience he finally let the tears spill from his eyes.

The answer he sent Obi-Wan in the Force was small, but it was an answer, and it wasn't a shove. He opened a small bit to Obi-Wan. Not fully. He couldn't handle that yet. But enough to show Obi-Wan he didn't mean to permanently shut him out.

He just needed to pull something apart and put it back together again as he pulled his emotions apart and put them into some semblance of order.

He was taking a panel off the wall, tools out at his knees, when Obi-Wan came aboard.

Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan.

"I- I want to fix this converter and then- and then I'll come back in for-" He didn't really remember what 'for' he should be there. What time was it? He realized he didn't know that either - was it lunch or dinner? He looked back at the exposed parts. "I just want to fix this converter."

He pulled back once he got an answer - not completely and not aggressively but toned it down a lot. His confidence in not being...contagious for want of a better word, was not high. Better about lots of things, but that particular one was going to take quite a while.

He was better enough to fake it pretty well and push through occasionally now, at least.

He nodded slightly at Anakin's words, staying where he was near the door. "Okay. Do you want to be alone while you do it?" He wasn't going to be hurt by a yes, but he wasn't going to guess, either.

Anakin didn't presume the purpose of Obi-Wan coming to him. From his experiences, he had no way to know Obi-Wan might be there to apologize. In the past, usually Anakin had to explain why he was hurt, and he didn't have it in him right now for that kind of self-advocacy. The way he saw it, Obi-Wan had already decided Bail was Leia's father, he was not. So he had two choices - try to explain how Obi-Wan was wrong, wherein, in the end he would have to admit even if Obi-Wan saw it his way, he would have to agree there was nothing to be done about it. Or he could figure out how to get over his emotions, which was basically mourn the idea of begin Leia's father because there was nothing to be done about it. The first was insurmountable as he currently felt - which was pretty low - and because each option ended on the same note, he chose the option over which he had the most control: himself.

He nodded. "I just need an hour," he said. And he pulled out his iPhone and set the alarm because he knew he couldn't judge that for himself. He highly doubted he'd be over this in a single hour, but he hoped he'd at least fell less raw.

There were elements of what Anakin was thinking that were accurate - namely that there really wasn't much to be done about the current situation, regardless.

And what he was there for - well, it could wait. It may as well wait. There wasn't much to be gained by ignoring a request for space, and there was a lot of reason not to do that.

"Okay," he said, quietly, and retreated again.

He went back into the house long enough to get something started for dinner, then retreated back outside to watch the water and to wait.

When the hour alarm chimed, Anakin did not feel near as ready as he'd hoped. How could he? But he was mostly finished, and it was time for dinner, and he was hungry, and he'd said he would come down in an hour.

He set his tools down.

In the kitchen, he assessed what he could help with.

"It smells good," he said quietly and focused on pulling down plates and cups and utensils.

"It does."

Not that he'd cooked so much as heated and assembled food that the place had been stocked with. It made things easier, now, in both keeping them fed and allowing them to relax.

...and right now in letting him not to have to focus much on the meal.

"Anakin...." He was quiet, but paused rather than carry on with dinner. "What I said was thoughtless and stupid, and I'm sorry I hurt you."

It felt weird - not in being an apology but in the... directness of addressing it. Like he was tripping over more words than he could possibly say.

Anakin was confused as well, because he wasn't expecting Obi-Wan to ... just say all that unprompted.

He wasn't trying to be obtuse, it was just sudden and he was trying to catch up.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at Obi-Wan. He blinked, because his eyes were stinging again and he was also trying to hold onto his emotions.

"What?" he didn't sound mad, just very confused.

He looked at Anakin in silence for a moment, still awkward and unsure and with way more feelings than words and no clear idea how to express most of the feelings, but.

"I was thoughtless, I was wrong, I'm sorry."

Fewer words, but repeating? That'd work, right?

Anakin stood just a moment more, letting that sink in, letting himself realize Obi-Wan was apologizing to him - unprompted, without him needed to review why...

He set his plate down and went over to the man and just hugged him. Sure, he had tears on his cheeks, and he probably felt unsteady, but it was relief and gratitude he was feeling, that Obi-Wan could feel from him.

He wasn't entirely comfortable being hugged, but that preceded this and was a reaction he kept to himself and on top of that ignored in favor of just wrapping his arms around Anakin and hugging him back.

Still lots of hurting for Anakin and feeling terribly that he was hurting, lots of just.. relief of his own that Anakin was apparently still willing to hug him, too.

Didn't cry, himself or say anything, though, just hugged Anakin while Anakin wanted to be hugged.

Anakin buried his face in the crook of Obi-Wan's neck, enjoying that he still smelled like fruit and that Obi-Wan was letting him hug him for so long.

"I love you," he mumbled.

All the tension, the sadness, that ache for something he thought was unattainable - gone.

He opened himself a bit more in the Force - he remembered to not do it all at once.

"How long are you going to let me hug you?"

He rubbed Anakin's back with one hand, and just left the other resting lightly on Anakin's lower back.

He could feel that opening up and sighed with just a little bit more relief than he was already feeling.

"You can hug me as long as you want; I love you, too."

Anakin smiled at that. Good, he could carry this hug for another few moments.

"You still smell like fruit."

He was saying nonsense but it felt good after everything that had come before it.

He kissed Obi-Wan's neck, lightly. "Do you want dinner?"

Anakin could, really, carry on the hug as long as he liked. Obi-Wan wasn't naturally physically affectionate, but exceptions could be made.

And this, right now, was important enough for him to really enjoy.

He combed his fingers lightly through the hair at Anakin's nape. "Not particularly, but I think we should eat."

Anakin kissed Obi-Wan's neck again. "What would we do instead?" He could be persuaded to push back dinner if Obi-Wan really wanted to.

"Watch a movie. Cuddle. Walk to the lake." He kept rubbing Anakin's back. "But we really should eat. Maybe we could eat outside." Or in front of a screen. "I think Bail will be bringing Leia back to swim with us before we leave...."

"Cuddle?" Anakin asked, and you could almost hear the grin on his face. Of all the things Obi-Wan's demeanor conveyed about his character - a cuddler was not one of them. Maybe it was possessive to think, but Anakin liked that he was probably the only person alive who knew that side of him.

"Let's eat, walk to the lake, and come back and watch a movie."

"Only with you," he clarified, because this was not going to become a tendency he -

Actually it might.

Attachments, dark side, being rattled. He was learning the value in physical reassurance, almost in spite of himself.

"That sounds like a good plan. Help me with the rest of the food and getting it on the table?"

"Okay," Anakin said and finally let go of Obi-Wan.

He helped with the remainder of the work left for dinner. Dinner was better than they'd been used to, given the kitchen was well stocked.

The walk after dinner was peaceful - even Anakin, who thrived on commotion, thought it was nice. Especially because it was what Obi-Wan wanted. The man had been through hell recently - or really since the day Anakin had come into his life - and Anakin wanted nothing but good things for him.

Anakin hoped their planned evening activities would continue to help Obi-Wan fine peace.

The best place for Goose to project the movie was in their chosen bedroom - it had the biggest blank wall to work with across from their bed. (Once Anakin moved a wardrobe. Not to worry, he didn't damage it or anything in the process.)

Once he and Obi-Wan were settled against the pillows on the bed, he said, "Okay, this is a movie from where I was living. It takes place... sorta near where I lived. Same country. Just remember the world I lived on was not technologically advanced- even Tatooine has more advanced tech in some ways."

Then he told Goose to start playing.

The childlike music started to play as the shooting stars of Disney's classic castle flew across the screen and the Pixar hopping lamp jumped into place. Then the image turned to black and Joy started talking, "Do you ever look at someone and wonder, what is going on inside their head?..."

Obi-Wan was more than ready to settle back into bed by the time they had finished their walk. It had been a long day for both of them (if not in number of hours) and there was still a kind of... tiredness in him that was going to linger.

He was still warmer, more receptive, and wanted to stay close to Anakin though. That that was a side-effect of the Dark Side and using it was possibly the... least expected part of this, for him.

It didn't change things, though and in bed, against pillows, close enough that their shoulders lightly touched was good. The movie he was curious about, too, because it was something from Anakin's other life.

He still shot Anakin an amused, slightly skeptical, look at the music and hopping ... lamp? The skepticism didn't stick around long. About the time there was mention of 'circle of sadness/making sure the sadness stayed in the circle' he was picking up themes and deeper meaning.

And his expression shifted to something softer, and his affection for Anakin grew. "Remedial emotions?" he asked, self-depreciating but not without humor.

Anakin eyed Obi-Wan and then snorted.

"Okay, through the lense of colorfully anthropomorphizing emotions, the movie tells a story about how our brains process emotions to develop memories which shape our personalities. And how all emotions are necessary for mental balance."

Anakin scooted closer and slipped his arm over Obi-Wan's shoulders, to pull him in closer.

"But ya, you could call it remedial lessons in emotions."

Just at that moment, the girl on the screen was introducing herself, there was a fight between her emotions and Joy and Sadness were sucked up a tube.

He was pretty content with his synopsis, especially when it came to keeping sad in its circle, thank you.

But he was dryly amused at himself and at the moment.

He was mildly confused and for a split second passively resisted being pulled in closer to Anakin - but only a split second before Anakin being Anakin registered and he relaxed into him and wrapped his arm around Anakin's waist.

"Strange set of emotions to be in conflict." Or maybe not, as he mulled it over a bit more.

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