darkforcerising | OPEN POST

"Some things are eternal."

Anakin put the phone back on the nightstand.

"Like your sass, probably."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he says, primly, properly, and very, very dryly. "I am not sassy, I just have style."

He kissed Anakin's shoulder and curled closer. "How was your time with Leia?"

A distinction without a difference, and Anakin knew Obi-Wan knew that. But he let Obi-Wan have that. Sure, style, not sass.

Anakin felt a surge of complicated emotions that he tried to rein in as much as possible. Not because of what Obi-Wan said- not really. Even if Obi-Wan hadn't said what he had, this meeting was going to be awkward and strained.

"It was good," he finally said. "I mean it. I just, I realized... I can't be anything for her," or really Luke for that matter. When Luke got older, what were they going to say about Anakin's identity? At some point, those meetings would have to stop, he realized. It was a sad, unavoidable truth.

"Not until everything with Palpatine and Vader is over, at least. And maybe even then... If people knew Vader is her biological father, it would not be a good thing."

"What people know and what she knows are not the same thing, Anakin," he said, very gently.

Concerned? Yes. Because knowing he couldn't act as a father was one thing but this felt dangerous close to hopelessness. Maybe preparing himself for a possibility - but also maybe creating that possibility.

"That applies for Luke, as well. There is no reason you cannot continue to see them as you have here, nor any reason you can't explain to them as they get older. They're going to need the explanation and with no Order in place if either has the slightest glimmer of Force ability, they're going to need help."

"Look at what Palpatine did to get to me," Anakin said.

"If he knew who Luke and Leia were, he'd trade out Vader in a heartbeat... He isn't exactly happy with how things turned out with Vader."

Anakin was trying to be practical, not hopeless. Though he wouldn't blame anyone for concluding the latter rather than the former.

"Children are not experts of subtly or keeping secrets, even if it's the difference between life and death. Luke and Leia can't know what I am until Palpatine is gone or they are old enough to defend themselves. And... the longer a secret is kept, the more the truth feels like a betrayal, no matter how reasonable or necessary it is."

"Yes."

He definitely knew that hiding the truth could feel like a betrayal, when it came out, but-

But, but, but.

"But you will be obscuring the truth from them either way. At some point they are likely to discover it and that Owen and Bail have kept that information from them whether you are in their lives or not. Given the inevitability of that, the greater question is whether having known you and having a relationship with you at all is better than having questions without answers and still having a sense of betrayal - never mind everything else you can bring to their lives."

"I know you're trying to find a way for me to have everything I want. But that's just not going to happen," Anakin said, and he tried to send reassurance and appreciation through the Force to back up that he recognized the good intention of Obi-Wan's argument.

"We can't keep sneaking onto Alderaan while Palpatine is still in power. Every time we come here exposes the planet to a direct response from Palpatine. So what am I bringing to the life of someone who will, at best, barely know who I am? We get a bit of leeway on Tatooine because no one cares about Tatooine. But even there, eventually our visits will have to stop- your name can't get out anymore than mine can."

He was really frustrated.

Not because he wanted to give Anakin everything he wanted, but because he sincerely thought Anakin was wrong as hell.

He wasn't going to fight about it though, because they weren't his kids and it wasn't his relationship and he had no business or right and his perception was probably pretty questionable.

So, instead, he just... shut up.

"Okay," he agreed. "Are you ready for bed?"

Anakin would have to take a frustrated, but non-argumentative Obi-Wan.

He let the topic go. The galaxy was terrible and they were doing what they could to fix it. That would have to be enough.

"Yes. Are you ready to teach me how to coax your mind to sleep?"

"I am, though I need more information about your skills and concerns to start, I think."

Coax was such a nice word. He supposes he should go for applying it in teaching practice, too.

"My concern is that I'll mess something up in your head."

The last thing Anakin wanted to do was to make things worse for Obi-Wan... than he'd already done. If it wasn't for him, Obi-Wan would be enjoying the quiet isolation of Tatooine. Not running recklessly around the galaxy, harrying the most dangerous and most powerful Force users alive.

And he wouldn't need Anakin to coax him to sleep.

Enjoying the quiet isolation on Tatooine. That is certainly one way of putting it. Another might be 'waiting for years to be able to die, because he'd entirely given up his own life'.

"Sleep suggestions are one of the simpler mind tricks and don't require much in the way of subtlety. The worst case scenario is -" Well death or coma, probably but - "Sleeping too deeply or too long."

"Will I need to wake you up in the morning? Or should you be able to wake up on your own from this?" A good thing to know if it was necessary.

"I should be able to wake up on my own." Unless Anakin shoved him back down into sleep again, which was - only likely if he tried to wake up in the middle of the night.

Anakin thought it all over. Obi-Wan was clearly the master of the mind trick between the two of them, but Anakin thought he got what Obi-Wan meant.

"Maybe you should show me by doing it on me first?" Anakin suggested, he always did better with a demonstration. "Then wake me up and I'll try it on you."

"As long as you agree to allow me to let you take advantage of at least some sleep first."

Dreamless sleep for Anakin without drugs - getting to nap? - probably pretty rare and he knew he could provide that and.

He wanted to.

Though as soon as all that was out - "Wait, no, that's a terrible idea, Anakin. What if I -" Do something terrible.

Anakin felt the change as it was washing over Obi-Wan and he did not like that wild speculation. He was no more afraid of Obi-Wan than he had been before his Dark Side experience.

But he understood that feeling that you couldn't trust yourself in your own skin all on your own.

He shifted so that as he lay next to Obi-Wan, they were face to face.

"What do you think you're going to do while I'm asleep?"

"I'm not afraid of doing anything while you're asleep. I'm afraid I'll do something in the process of putting you to sleep."

What, he wasn't sure. He just knew -

"Directly messing with your mind after what I've done seems... dangerous. To you."

"Obi-Wan," Anakin asked, suddenly curious about something. He had a suspicion that he knew the answer, but had to ask. "Have you... used the Force at all since we left the Destroyer?"

He realized maybe he should have been paying more attention to something like that. They were open with each other, mentally, in the Force. But that wasn't the same as using it with purpose.

It wasn't as though he typically used the Force in many mundane ways.... More than he had been but it wasn't as though the difference were glaring.

He'd thought. Dammit.

He looked a little pained immediately. "That... depends on what you mean by use."

Obi-Wan's pedantic obfuscation earned him a kiss on the forehead. Because Anakin didn't need to define 'use' to know the answer.

"What did you do after Zygoola to help you feel comfortable using the Force again?"

"I didn't have any discomfort in the Force after I got away from Zygoola, because I wasn't choosing the Dark Side. I was choosing Light over and over and over again to push the darkness back. When I got back to the Temple I went to the Room of a Thousand Fountains, meditated and - I don't think I've ever felt more confident in being Jedi."

That was - probably more than Anakin bargained for, but he'd asked the right question to make Obi-Wan stop evading at least.

Anakin listened, a hand reached down and grabbed Obi-Wan's.

"After my mom died, and I killed the Raiders, I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how to be right again. Padme was there for me, she helped me believe I could use the Light Side again... And every time in the war when it felt like was sliding back over to the Dark Side again, I'd... reach for her and she brought me back again... Until the end, but we've agreed to blame Palpatine more, so." He was able to keep a good check on his emotions this time talking about Padme, Obi-Wan didn't need Anakin wallowing also.

Obi-Wan wasn't at all sure he didn't need Anakin wallowing.

Not that he noticed that there was anything applicable to him in there. He just held Anakin's hand and brushed his thumb back and forth across the side of Anakin's hand, in a way that was trying to be comforting and tried not to feel guilty.

"Padme was an amazing woman."

Well, if Obi-Wan wasn't going to get it with a gentle example, Anakin would just have to be blunt. "Obi-Wan, I'm Padme, here. You're me."

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