darkforcerising | OPEN POST

"Three," he said, though he did so reluctantly. "Her third father is why you are the only one who can be acknowledged as her father, or who can acknowledge her."

He did - sort of, vaguely, understand the hurt that would cause Anakin. He knew it was valid. It was just sympathy rather than empathy. Other than very literally feeling what Anakin felt, he could not truly understand.

He didn't even understand real parent and child relationships at all, much less complicated ones.

That left him frustrated, with himself, as well as guilty and sad for Anakin on another level (along with the one about being unable to acknowledge his children). Because he wanted to cross that gap and-

He just. couldn't. seem to. Not entirely.

"Yes, three."

Bail took another deep breath, because here he was, thinking he'd acknowledged all that he ought to, and Obi-Wan proved him wrong.

While he absolutely would not trust Leia's third father with anything, and he knew no one would fault him for that, he did have the ability to empathize, even with Vader - imagine that - because he knew how painful it would be to lose Leia.

"Your concern was well intended," he said. "And I do appreciate it."

"My concern wasn't my mistake," he agreed. "My mistake was assuming that what Anakin knew wasn't as removed from what he felt as it was. I know better."

The other thing he knew was that Anakin was not - and this one had never been - any sort of Jedi and really he should stop lapsing into treating him as though he were. Not that it would solve all - or likely even most - of their problems. He didn't know what to do with people who weren't either Jedi or soldiers or, in a pinch, a politician.

Anakin really did deserve better.

Anakin deserved his kids - or barring that, because he couldn't imagine taking Luke and Leia from the families they knew - to go home.

Bail tried a smile to cheer up Obi-Wan, and said, "The wonderful thing about love is that it forgives honest mistakes." He didn't care if that was maybe too bold, he still felt Obi-Wan needed to hear it.

"Yes." It wasn't really too bold. Well, maybe it was but he'd accept a lot of 'bold' from Bail. He was pretty sure Anakin would forgive him, now that it had been said, though- "But at what point shouldn't it?"

"Obi-Wan," Bail said directly. "By omission you implied he wasn't Leia's father in an well meaning attempt to comfort a friend. This is not the stuff that breaks philosophical debates about the boundaries of unconditional love."

"Mm. But is it when it's a symptom of some sort of lack of ability?" He was asking rhetorically and shrugged. "I don't know. I'm reasonably confident Anakin and I will be as fine as we can be."

Bail shook his head. "If this is the worst you'll ever do in your relationship, then you'll have a very successful relationship."

"...I don't think you understand quite how far the gulf between what I academically understand and what I can reasonably empathize with goes. I care, but that doesn't mean I will ever really understand with Anakin, anymore than I did the other who became Vader. And I don't know what to do about it."

Because fuck all if he wasn't trying.

And Bail thought Obi-Wan was greatly undervaluing himself.

"No one is born knowing how to have a relationship with someone else," Bail pointed out. "Everyone has to learn it for themselves."

"That is very true, and of course every relationship is different." He paused and then got a bit more blunt. "I'm still behind the curve, possibly more than you realize. I know how to navigate relationships with other Jedi. I have never been close to the sort of relationship I am trying to have now; I was younger than Leia when I was given to the Temple."

"I see," Bail said, schooling himself so his personal judgment wouldn't carry through.

That put things into stark perspective. And he had many questions, but he wasn't sure what was respectful to ask and what wasn't. Like, did Obi-Wan even know who his parents were?

"Do you want this relationship?" Bail asked instead.

Bail had seen him hallucinating, vomiting, and in the process of dying. Bail had used Obi-Wan's own lightsaber to burn him - repeatedly - to help him focus. They were past the point of worrying about respect, as far as Obi-Wan was concerned.

"I'm more concerned with what's good for Anakin than what I want."

"Hmm, let's assume," Bail said. "For the sake of the argument, that you are, in fact, what's good for Anakin. We'll come back to that. Do you want this relationship?"

He blinked and tried not to feel like he was making some kind of inappropriate and nodded, slightly. "Yes."

He had to work to keep from it sounding like a question too. The result was a little... flat, but it was there.

"Good. That's a significant portion of what it takes to be in a relationship. The truth is, there is no age limit to learning how to have relationships with others." Now getting back to what was good for Anakin. "What does Anakin want?"

"I have no idea." That wasn't true but it wasn't something he could sum up neatly. Also - kind of protective of Anakin.

"He hasn't said, or done anything that gives you a general idea of what he wants?" Bail asked skeptically.

"That isn't what I said." Because he wasn't - "But be more precise. Are you asking if he wants this relationship? Yes."

Okay, fine. Pendandic, but Bail can work with that.

"Then that's where you start. That is the other most important significant portion of what it takes to be in a relationship."

He stares and then laughs, warmly. "I'm not that far behind the curve, I don't think." He was aware both people needed to want to be there, at least.

"You're even less behind than that," Bail said, giving Obi-Wan a sidelong glance. "Do you respect Anakin?"

"Of course I do." Though, in fairness, respect was a broad umbrella. There weren't many people Obi-Wan didn't respect on one level or another.

Just some of those levels were 'walking evil he'd like to kill'.

"Then you are ahead of a great many number of people, my friend," Bail said. "You're not undeserving of happiness."

"I'm not sure I truly believe that anyone deserves anything," he said, thoughtfully. "Not in the grand scheme of things. It would imply that life - the galaxy, the universe - was fair. One of the things I heard most from Qui-Gon was that life is neither fair nor unfair, it simply is. But of course it carried on to saying that it is up to us to make it so." He paused and then just - "I don't deserve anything, but I'm not going to throw my relationship with Anakin away, Bail. If I were going to do that the threat of losing him wouldn't have driven me to using the Dark Side."

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