darkforcerising | OPEN POST

Oh dear. Well, Bail can focus on Obi-Wan's wellbeing first. Because it mattered, too.

And, ya, he's more than a little proud of Alderaan. He lets himself smile about that.

"I've never been to Tatooine, but I can satisfy my curiosity with your opinion of the place. I wish it was safe for you to travel into Aldera. Breha would very much like to meet you." He sighed. "I shouldn't let myself dream of an end to the Empire yet."

"The problem with Tatooine for me is less the climate and more the amount of human suffering and being aware of what Anakin's history with the place is. Being somewhere that the government takes care of its please is... refreshing."

He's proud of you, Bail.

"And you should let yourself dream. Why wouldn't you?"

"The Senate has never been interested in the condition of the Outer Rim planets. The current state of things only makes their disinterest and neglect worse. Alderaan is privileged to be both ruled by competent leaders and situated so the Senate cares for its continued peaceful existence. If either one or the other or both should be taken away, I have no doubt Alderaan would suffer similarly to planets in the Outer Rim."

He worried about the loss of the Senate's support every day. Any moment his activities with the Rebellion could be discovered and at best Alderaan would be occupied.

"Is that what you are doing? Letting yourself dream?" Bail turned the question back on Obi-Wan with a wry look.

He didn't stop walking, but his steps slowed as he turned the question over in his head. "I think so. At least in as much as I am hopeful for a particular desired outcome." It was pretty much the same thing, right? "If those aren't there, why are we bothering at all?"

He probably had more real dreams beyond that, but getting rid of the empire was important, even if those other dreams were vague.

They could have a philosophical discussion about whether or not dreaming and hope were the same thing. Maybe another time when the gulf between the privileged and the the oppressed didn't make the simple discussion a farce.

"The galaxy could probably use some more dreams."

He let them walk a few more paces before asking a more serious question.

"How are you doing?"

They probably could have and they probably would never have it. Maybe limitations on where his hope stopped, or where a tired kind of resignation crept in - about gulfs between privileged and not, anyway.

He blinked at the question - and at Bail - and tilted his head a bit quizzically.

"Reasonably well. Sleep helped. Were you looking for something specific?" He was bothered about having screwed up with Anakin (badly, badly bothered), but he wasn't.... considering it a thing Bail would care about even if he'd noticed.

Bail couldn't stop himself from laughing briefly at Obi-Wan's response. As if their last meeting where Obi-Wan looked haggard and weary hadn't happened.

"The last time we talked, you just about collapsed in front of me. You seem better, but I'm asking to be sure."

It had happened, but: "I've slept, bathed, and eaten." Then he'd royally screwed up with Anakin, but: "It hadn't been that long being short on any of those, even sleep." Basically he had no grounds for complaint and also he was supposed to be handling this himself. "The visit here has helped and I'm grateful to it for my sake as well as Anakin's?"

"It's my understanding that needing respite matters based on what you needed in the moment, not if you had a good sleeping schedule prior to something disrupting that good health," Bail pointed out.

He supposed that was as detailed an explanation as he was going to get.

"I'm glad staying here has helped you and Anakin."

He tried fairly hard to parse that statement into something he knew how to respond to, but then just failed. Not that it didn't make sense; it did. That did not translate to knowing what to do with it.

"I'm surprised you were willing to leave Leia with him."

The smile fell into a more serious expression, though not too serious.

"You did say I could trust him. And I trust you... are you saying now I shouldn't?"

He shook his head slightly, and caught the faint scent of fruit from his hair. It kept him from getting too serious, too. "No. Just that it's a leap of faith and those can be hard."

"Yes," Bail agreed. "They can be. And... well, someone had to intervene to save your relationship."

He was silent for a moment, processing that and then smiled, faintly. "Yes. Undoubtedly. Though you might have had better luck sending me on an errand without you."

Bail stared at Obi-Wan for a moment before realizing maybe his friend didn't exactly know why Bail had chosen to remove himself from the meeting along with Obi-Wan. He didn't know if this was a Jedi thing, or just a general misunderstanding, and either way, Bail didn't want to barrel his way in unwanted.

But how did he say this politely.

"No, my presence was as much an issue as..." He stopped walking."You... don't know what the matter is, do you?"

"Oh, I know what I did - now." As in, he knew what he'd said, and what had happened. "That doesn't mean I have more than a very, very academic understanding of why and no, I had no idea your presence was a contributing factor, though I should have."

Which was not dismissal. He actually just figured it out then, because he was able to put the first statement into play to provide context for what he'd done.

"I see," Bail nodded. "What is your very academic understanding of why- If you're willing to discuss it."

"Calling you Leia's dad to comfort you hurt him." He actually shrugged, though he was absolutely bothered. At himself.

But he had said it was academic so if Bail wanted more Obi-Wan was going to flounder and probably drown.

Bail nodded again, relieved that Obi-Wan caught at least that much.

"Is it a fair guess you don't know why it hurt him?"

He felt fairly well tested, or quizzed.

Fortunately, most people in his life had done the same to him and it wasn't a thing he got defensive about, just uncertain and... tentative, under a veneer of relative confidence.

"Because it ...was dismissive?"

"That's... a small part of it," Bail said and sighed, and tipped his head to start them walking again.

"I think... I am as much to blame for this, because I was so hesitant to trust Anakin even though you told me many times that I should. I was willing to benefit from his help- through you, with the rebellion, but I wasn't willing to actually acknowledge that for my own reasons. And they might have been understandable reasons, but even understandable reasons can unintentionally hurt someone."

That was a bit of a detour to finally get to what he really meant to say.

"When you said what you did, I realized Leia has two fathers. We can count the number of people who know that on one hand... I'm the the only one who gets to acknowledge that she is my daughter."

"Three," he said, though he did so reluctantly. "Her third father is why you are the only one who can be acknowledged as her father, or who can acknowledge her."

He did - sort of, vaguely, understand the hurt that would cause Anakin. He knew it was valid. It was just sympathy rather than empathy. Other than very literally feeling what Anakin felt, he could not truly understand.

He didn't even understand real parent and child relationships at all, much less complicated ones.

That left him frustrated, with himself, as well as guilty and sad for Anakin on another level (along with the one about being unable to acknowledge his children). Because he wanted to cross that gap and-

He just. couldn't. seem to. Not entirely.

"Yes, three."

Bail took another deep breath, because here he was, thinking he'd acknowledged all that he ought to, and Obi-Wan proved him wrong.

While he absolutely would not trust Leia's third father with anything, and he knew no one would fault him for that, he did have the ability to empathize, even with Vader - imagine that - because he knew how painful it would be to lose Leia.

"Your concern was well intended," he said. "And I do appreciate it."

"My concern wasn't my mistake," he agreed. "My mistake was assuming that what Anakin knew wasn't as removed from what he felt as it was. I know better."

The other thing he knew was that Anakin was not - and this one had never been - any sort of Jedi and really he should stop lapsing into treating him as though he were. Not that it would solve all - or likely even most - of their problems. He didn't know what to do with people who weren't either Jedi or soldiers or, in a pinch, a politician.

Anakin really did deserve better.

Anakin deserved his kids - or barring that, because he couldn't imagine taking Luke and Leia from the families they knew - to go home.

Bail tried a smile to cheer up Obi-Wan, and said, "The wonderful thing about love is that it forgives honest mistakes." He didn't care if that was maybe too bold, he still felt Obi-Wan needed to hear it.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject