darkforcerising | OPEN POST

"Bad idea to drink when we're likely to freeze, anyway. Worse idea for me to get into the habit of drinking every time I experience an emotion I don't like."

He had... some degree of self-awareness? Limited, but some.

He looked at the piles another moment, then rubbed his eyes again. "If you'll help me move what can't be fixed out, we can come up with a plan for the next several hours. Lighting a fire in here is probably a terrible plan." Mostly because he was frustrated enough to take some mild satisfaction in imagining burning the whole thing down.

He was recovering but the ... prickly irritation of frustration at himself was lingering and likely to continue to for a bit. "Did you at least manage to eat?"

"Ya," Anakin barked a laugh. "You'd be perpetually drunk." That was probably a thought he should have kept to himself.

He swiftly got to work moving out what couldn't be fixed. Though while he was doing that, he made a new pile of 'parts can be salvaged from these for later use,' also known as the 'Anakin needs to fiddle with something or he'll drive friends batty.'

"We're going to be fine," he said. "I once spent an entire night by myself out in the wastes before I left this rock." Meaning, back when he was a slave.

"I would not," he said, very precisely, "be perpetually drunk" A short pause as he picked up and started to work at moving things out of the hut and out of their way. "I would be drunk."

Briefly, probably, unless being drunk led to more emotions and then-

Anakin may have had a point.

"At one point during my conversation with Yoda, after watching the security feed from the temple, I told Yoda I should have died before I brought you to the Jedi. ...I still can't make myself believe that. Can't make myself wish you'd stayed in slavery."

Anakin cringed. That must not have been easy to watch. He almost said he was sorry again, but if he said sorry every time Obi-Wan relived everything, he'd be perpetually saying sorry. And Obi-Wan might as well stay perpetually drunk.

"It's not a dichotomy, you know," he said. "Those didn't have to be my only two options... You can also think taking me out of slavery was right, and that I failed..." Then he said more quietly, "That's how I think about it."

"I still can't come up with a right, even with the benefit of hindsight." And he had been trying, because clearly letting this go was not a thing he was capable of. "Not really. Yoda wasn't wrong in saying you were too old, but that isn't a failing in you. No one else was going to train you. I was the worst possible option and. I have no idea what would have kept you protected from Palpatine for any length of time."

Anakin was silent for a moment. A long moment.

"Almost as if... there couldn't be another outcome."

He reaches out and drags his thumb down the bridge of Anakin's nose in a brief, seemingly casual, but affectionate gesture.

There's a definite current of sadness there.

"The force is balanced."

"It will be."

Anakin watched Obi-Wan for a moment.

"The Jedi... probably wasn't the place I belonged. But if I didn't go there, I wouldn't have known you."

He didn't quite understand what Anakin was telling him about the future, even with his own intent and suspicions. His confusion was pretty mild, though, and so was his curiosity.

"I'm having a hard time seeing how that wouldn't have been kinder to you." Maybe later. With more time, but. "I'm glad I knew you." Even with the horrible, horrible end to it all.

The truth was, Anakin had had a kinder life - in another reality. But it didn't involve Obi-Wan. And it was hard for Anakin to choose which one he wanted more.

"Okay, so about tonight." He figured he was better to move on before he overfilled Obi-Wan emotional cup. "How many blankets do you have here?"

The truth was also that Obi-Wan was not reconciling this 'same Anakin but different' very well and was flipping between almost talking to the ghost of who Vader had been, and the Anakin in front of him.

It would likely stabilize at some point, but for now-

He was just grateful Anakin lightened the conversation before he was forced to do it. Far better when someone else did the deflecting for him.

"Four. Five if we count my cloak." Which should count, it's enormous and it is heavy.

"Four or five-!" Anakin said. "Oh my god, Obi-Wan, we're going to be fine! It gets cold at night, it doesn't turn into Ilium at night for eighteen days. Maybe we'll have to share blankets, but if that's too uncomfortable, I'll take the cloak and you can have the rest."

"Why would I be uncomfortable sharing blankets with you?" Confusion first then mild offense, and something even a little petulant: "I hate being cold. Not as much as I hate being dirty, but I do not enjoy it." Could tolerate it, but he didn't want to

"So we'll be fine." Anakin was a bit concerned about Obi-Wan walking up and freaking out on him again. "And tomorrow we'll go out and track down the Jawas and I'll fix your heater."

That settled, he decided to ask, "Do you need to eat? You're sending off hangry vibes."

Waking up would require he go to sleep first, and while he may it certainly isn't the plan.

"Not particularly, but I will if you'll explain what kind of vibes I'm sending off."

He also tried to stop. Which mostly just meant tighter shielding within the force. Trying to contain more.

"Hangry - angry hungry. Irritability due to low blood sugar levels," Anakin explained. He suspected he might have to do that a lot given his experience in another reality. Cultures were like that. "It happens to everyone."

"...Possibly," he admitted. He suspected most of it was the result of other things - like, oh, emotional upheaval - but he still went to put a kettle on for tea, and grabbed a meal pack. "Do you want to help me with the blankets and bed?"

"... Is it complicated?" Anakin asked.

Anakin walked over to the bed and evaluated it. Weighed and measured it with his eyes and found it wanting. "This is going to be an uncomfortable night."

"Yes, because most of the blankets aren't on the bed." That didn't make it complicated, but it did mean some assistance in spreading them out so he could continue to eat with one hand would be nice.

First, though, he opened a trunk and pulled the blankets out of it, in a stack.

"And I know it's going to be uncomfortable." It was going to be cold.

Anakin took the stack.

"Sit down and eat. I have two hands," he said it without thinking. He just meant that he could spread the blankets on his own.

He lifts his eyebrows a bit pointedly. "Only because you own them both." Which is him snarking while having another inexplicable (to him) flare of discomforting memory of cutting Anakin's other arm off.

'discomforting' meaning, of course, nausea inducing.

He's done eating now.

Edited 2020-01-08 05:05 (UTC)

"Now, I can't tell if that's a slave joke," Anakin snarked back, before realizing what was going on.

He set the stack of blankets down and went to Obi-Wan.

"Obi-Wan, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that. That was..." he thought about the math. "Eighty-ish years ago for me. I... don't- I try not to think about it."

He shakes his head mutely, because he temporarily cannot get words out of his mouth. He puts his meal pack down, forgets about it and grabs a blanket.

"It's fine. You're the one who experienced it. You're allowed to make jokes or not think about whatever you want. Including not thinking about how I'm going to respond."

...Someday he might stop smelling Mustfar and burning flesh.

No. Anakin wasn't going to just let it be that way. Obi-Wan mattered, his feelings mattered. That's where the Jedi had failed every member so completely. Feelings mattered, they had a purpose, ignoring them was an abuse Anakin wouldn't perpetuate.

"Obi-Wan," he said firm but not harsh. "It was traumatic for you, too. You're my friend. Of course I care how you're going to react to it."

"Of course it was traumatic for me," he - didn't exactly snap, but shot back with the tiniest bit of an edge. Hey, it was an admission - that he felt vaguely forced into making.

...It was also an admission that needed to happen.

"If you want to care how I react to things that you did, that's ... acceptable." Barely. "But that is something I chose to do."

In essence? He didn't deserve consideration.

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