darkforcerising | OPEN POST

Anakin nodded. He could only accept that, trust Obi-Wan to know what he needed. He wasn't hurt exactly. Not the way Obi-Wan might think he would be. He'd be ecstatic if Obi-Wan did talk to someone about this. He just felt... useless and out of place. Like he said the night they first took out the lightsaber - the people of this universe deserved someone not him helping them.

"Do you want lunch?" he said, pushing himself up from the table.

He smiled, in a way that was at once both pained and sad. "What I'd really like is if you would hug me."

He wasn't great, but he was at least learning something and that was... Anakin's doing.

Of course Anakin would give him a hug.

He didn't say anything. He just rounded the table silently and pulled Obi-Wan close. And he left the duration of the hug up to Obi-Wan to decide.

He wrapped his arms around Anakin and hugged him warmly, and tightly, and with gratitude for his presence, for quite a while.

"Do you want to pick up where we left off? Inside and out of the sun?"

Because even when Obi-Wan quit -

He didn't quit.

"Sparring-?" Anakin asked, confused. Because this hut was not built for tumbling.

But then he realized what Obi-Wan meant and said, "Oh, right, the wrists, yes. We can. If you want."

He pulled the chair around so he could sit closer to Obi-Wan. He held out his hands, waiting for when Obi-Wan was ready.

He moved his chair around so the table wouldn't be between them, close enough that their knees were almost touching and gave Anakin his hand.

"Have you considered just... killing them."

Anakin picked up where they left off, the thumb on his hand gently brushing Obi-Wan's wrist.

"Uh, Palpatine and Vader?"

He had to think about that because the answer was different for both.

"I don't know if I could kill Vader... he's... me."

But Palpatine... "Things are more complicated with Palpatine- I don't mean I don't want him dead. I just can't kill him on my own."

The hand on his wrist made his fingers twitch and start to curl, the start of that same vague 'threatened' response.

Then he quite intentionally began to really focus on the physical sensation as physical sensation. It was actually.... nice on that level. And the rhythmic nature was something he could use as a focal point, so he did.

It wasn't entirely perfect, but changing the context of it? He could actively participate in and did.

"I could say several things, but I need more explanation first. If you can. What's the complication?"

Anakin slowed the pace of his thumb when he noticed Obi-Wan's response.

"Palpatine is..." He was unsure how Obi-Wan would take this. "His forces aren't just the Empire. Which is a lot on its own. But he's also expanded into the Unknown Regions and has resources for a whole second army."

"Of course he does," he murmured.

Anakin's thumb on the inside of his wrist was actually working to keep him calm when he was focused on it like this. He was using it in a way similar to how he might have used awareness of other Jedi in the force - in large numbers, rather than one. He wondered, briefly and idly, if that had something to do with why Anakin had always been so tactile.

"And I've known Anakin was going to kill me since he was 16, so that's an entirely pointless conflict if we want to be productive."

Okay. Luminara and killing a ship of people it was.

And Palpatine working on achieving immortality... But, you know, one thing at a time. Save the Jedi, save the galaxy.

He looked concerned. "What do you mean?" How did Obi-Wan know that?

He smiled, faintly. He didn't seem, and wasn't, particularly perturbed. "Around the time Anakin began having dreams of his mother's dead, not terribly long before the first battle of Genosis, I began having dreams of Anakin killing me. I've had them on and off since then, with increasing frequency and vividness."

Not a big deal.

Anakin got very quiet. It felt like he was doused with ice water. "Does it happen the same way, every dream?"

He was clearly right, but he'd already know that. What he hadn't realized, because he hadn't thought it through, was that Anakin would have no reason to have known this.

"It didn't always. It was always a lightsaber, but it only became consistent after Mustfar."

He wanted to apologize for upsetting Anakin.

Anakin didn't need an apology for something he'd done.

He focused on Obi-Wan's wrist for a moment.

"Maybe this time it won't happen," he said, still quiet.

He had been steady but the start of discomfort with the conversation ... evened out some when Anakin refocused and drew his own attention to simple, if intimate, physicality.

"It may not," he agreed. "The future is always in motion and more so with you here." A pause, to give Anakin a second, before he continues gently: "And if it does... it does. I'm just sorry you're stuck with the memory, either way."

"It was my choice. I could have made different choices."

Someday they would have a conversation that didn't bite one or the other. Someday.

"How do you feel about your wrist? Ready for a change?"

"No. Actually I rather get the impression that it will be my choice...."

They had those conversations. They just had a lot of history - and future/history - to unpack.

Then the wrist - he glanced to Anakin and nodded. "Probably was a few minutes ago, if I'm honest."

"Okay," part of him is grateful for something else to focus on than his past memories. "I'll go slow, but you tell me if you need me to stop. I'm going to just lightly hold your wrist." And he slowly moved his hand to do just that with as minimal pressure as he could manage.

It didn't frighten him, but it did make him want to twitch - even flinch - out of Anakin's grip. Knowing that he could do so easily may have made that desire stronger, but he didn't do it.

That entire arm did tense up, though, in response to fighting off the urge.

"That is... irritating." Only word he has. "But it doesn't need to stop."

"I'll just hold on for a few more seconds. It's not that kind of endurance test. You don't get points if it's painful."

When he reached the count of five, he pulled his hand back tracing Obi-Wan's palm then carded his fingers through Obi-Wan's, squeezing.

"You should know," he said. Bring the conversation back to Palpatine. "He'll be the one we will anger when we rescue Master Unduli. Vader won't... He doesn't really care about the Inquisitors, they're an irritation he puts up with. But Palpatine will be mad."

He caught at Anakin's fingers as they passed through his and returned the squeeze.

"I have a feeling that I've been making Palpatine angry for far, far, longer than I was more than mildly annoyed by him." If the horrible consequences of his obliviousness could be ignored, it would almost be funny.

"Why are the Inquisitors an irritation to Vader?"

For the reason Anakin told himself it was because it was helping him stay grounded, he kept holding onto Obi-Wan's hand. He didn't examin that thought deeper.

"They're like herding nerfs. Nerfs with spinning lightsabers," he said derisively. This was his experience, as Vader. Now that he wasn't Vader, he still didn't see a reason to amend his opinion of the Inquisitors.

"They weren't apprentices I chose. Palpatine just handed them over one day and said train them. Which was the same as saying manage them... That was more or less how it went with everything Palpatine built. At some point, he just tossed it my way and told me to take care of it."

Edited 2020-01-14 04:52 (UTC)

Well, if it was helping Anakin stay grounded....

Yeah, they were developing a... problem? He didn't want to look at it, and he didn't.

"The good news in that is that as long as Palpatine is only concerned with personal power, rather than any ability to follow through, the level of ... competence is lower than it might otherwise be."

He wasn't entirely surprised. Very long range plans, yes, the man had had. Likely still had. But the details of following through with the necessary level of detail on a grand scale? Apparently not.

"Why did I need to know he was who would be angry?"

"Vader is easily misdirected, I think I can safely say I can help you handle that."

Did they have a problem or were they finding something that helped them cope?

"Palpatine is not easily thrown off. His abilities are terrifying. He will try to find out why his Inquisitor disappeared."

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ihateflying - 2020-01-14 05:11 (UTC) - Expand