darkforcerising | OPEN POST

"You're an excellent pilot," Anakin pointed out. Though he knew saying that would do little to build Obi-Wan's trust in his skills again.

"I would trust you flying anytime." He just preferred flying because it was fun, the thrill of it.

"I am," he agreed, with a slight smirk, "and you should."

Because he knows that, and because banter is easy and good and Anakin seemed at least a bit more relaxed.

"I'm skilled at quite a few things. Talent on the other hand-" Was always all Anakin.

"You're very talented at things," he said, welcoming the banter, and decided to give back some of his own. "Meditation... Lectures... Beards." It was a ridiculous jab, but it was one Anakin has absolutely no talent in.

"Really, Anakin, if you were jealous of my beard, you should have said something, sooner. I won't shave it off, but I'm sure we could work out one for you. It could double as a disguise."

Anakin the First with a beard made him want to laugh, but This Anakin with one he found mildly horrifying.

For the first time since that lightsaber made its appearance, Anakin laughed. Not loud, but clearly amused, if a little shaky.

"I'm not jealous," he said. "Just admiring greatness. And I don't want a beard. Maybe we could give me more facial scars? A cybernetic eye?"

Something in him loosened when he heard that shaky laugh, but he did not draw attention to it.

He looked puzzled instead.

"Do you have some never mentioned before desire to look like some sort of pirate?"

"I am a drug smuggler now," Anakin pointed out. "I need to look tougher."

He looked at Anakin very critically and apparently seriously, then shook his head slightly.

"No you don't. You don't look tough at all, but you look exactly like you."

That was serious.

Anakin laughed again, this time more sure. "Ya, that's what I mean. No one looking at me, like this," he looked down for affect. "Would think I'd last more than a few rounds in a fight."

Sure, he was tall, he still trained, and the metal arm was an advantage. But he knew he held himself differently than when he was a Jedi. Also, the Jedi robes really did help convey so much about prowess. Master Yoda would appear very different to a casual observer if he wasn't wearing Jedi robes.

"Oh, no. That isn't even remotely what I mean," but he didn't elaborate. "But that's also true."

Obi-Wan would reach a point, probably years in the future, of no longer being easily recognizable as a Jedi.

But it would take a long time.

Because it was stamped into him, woven into the fiber of his being. Jedi had been a terrible fit for Anakin but for Obi-Wan-

Whether because he was taken there so young or just because he simply was, it was his identity and his life.

...and he may have to realize that on a more subconscious level as a reason he's currently struggling so hard.

Obi-Wan was the most Jedi that ever Jedi-ed, Anakin would not argue with that. On some level, that Anakin would not admit to, he might be jealous of how easy it was for Obi-Wan to just be a Jedi. If just for the fact that the friction Anakin caused everywhere he went could be exhausting. Sometimes he did want it easy.

"Please, do explain what you meant," Anakin goaded Obi-Wan.

The Negotiator.

He shook his head, very slightly and actually made a tsking noise. That part was a tease, but the teasing stopped quickly.

"You only superficially resemble - or feel like - Vader. You look and feel like you - and I do not mean who Vader was before he was Vader."

"He is in a very intimidating suit now." Anakin shook his head. "I don't have that going for me. Just... sarcasm and a high tolerance for sarcasm from others."

"I haven't seen it."

He hasn't even really heard much of it. He hasn't had time and he has had trauma and -

"I know you're continuing to banter. I know why. I think just this once and just for this moment I'm going to deflect the banter, instead of deflecting with banter. I've this strange idea this is something you're going to need to hear frequently: You are less like him than you realize - and some of those differences are reflected in how you look, even on the surface."

Anakin stayed silent for a few moments after Obi-Wan was done talking.

And he worked up the nerve to look at the lightsaber. Not a glance. But to look at it. He didn't look long, but for a few seconds he could and he didn't feel like the weight of his emotions would crash through the floor he was standing on.

"Tell me," he said. "If I ever start to seem more like him... I'm... much better about taking criticism this time."

"I will, provided you promise to remember that I am not unbiased and you'll need to be able to apply, at some point at least, some rational objectivity. I didn't throw you into a wall because you looked or felt particularly like him. I did it because I wasn't paying any attention." (Because he'd been terrified, in general.)

For example.

But Anakin was doing better, felt steadier, was making progress with something hard and that determination-

was... admirable.

Edited 2020-01-13 03:49 (UTC)

"The only reason I didn't chuck it through your walls is because I've gone through this kind of thing before and my brain defaulted to habit." A subtle hint that Obi-Wan was slowly going through the same process.

"As for being rational and objective... Those are two concepts I'm not very familiar with. I don't think I can make that kind of promise."

"Then you promise to listen to me if I return to rational and objective and apologize." That was pretty direct, at least.

Suddenly, it seemed, he realized that this was going to be a process, and while he is very good at dedication, work, practice, the idea just exhausts him. No anger, no resentment, not frustration even, just suddenly feeling heavy and tired. Like for one of the first times in his life he actually wanted to say 'I can't do this'.

He rubbed his eyes with one hand and then let the hand fall. His eyes landed on Anakin's work and his prosthetic arm. "...You could build better."

Edited 2020-01-13 03:58 (UTC)

He gave Obi-Wan a nod.

He felt that heaviness from Obi-Wan and realized without fully acknowledging over these last few days, he'd been open to and listening to the Force in a way he'd tried to stop himself from doing back where he'd been living. Maybe it was because it was really just Obi-Wan all the way out here so it didn't overwhelm him. Maybe it was just Obi-Wan Anakin was trying to gauge, he wanted to do right by him, so had fallen back on all the tools he had to make sure he could.

He recognized that heaviness. Had felt it himself before. It gets easier, he sent that reassurance out to Obi-Wan.

"I think we can put the lightsaber away for now."

And when the lightsaber was gone, he picked up Obi-Wan's observation. "I've been thinking about that. I could track down the Jawas again and get parts to make a new one. I still remember how I made it before."

He responds to the reassurance without finding anything odd about it at all, though he should have. He responded with some wordless gratitude, underlined by a slightly grim It had better, which was an admittedly weird combination.

He was grateful to Anakin.

They had thirty days.

Not to be okay, sure, but to be okay enough.

"I can help you track them down if you need it, but either way take anything here you need and make it happen. We're going to need as-" Not many advantages, but: "Few disadvantages as we can manage."

It wasn't like this was even going to be complicated, strategically, but they were going to be fighting themselves, too. No matter what.

Anakin agreed, he couldn't take offense at that because they needed to succeed.

"Could go out tomorrow. You look like you need to get out."

He paused, and then added, "We should also look for non-saber weapons to start sparing with. It'll be a few more days before I can calmly even hold mine. I don't think we should spar with lightsabers our first few times."

He nodded in agreement to the plan for tomorrow, without verbalizing. He also agrees to other weapons, but.

"I think we need to actually roll it back further. We can practice with other weapons but we're dangerous enough without any additional... instruments." Force ability. "If we're going to tip over and see one another as a threat, I'd much rather be unarmed."

He was worried about Anakin's reaction to him. Anakin had reason to have a terrible reaction to him. He was also worried about him having a bad response to hurting or feeling as though he were hurting Anakin. He was not concerned that he might have a problem with reacting to aggression leveled toward him by Anakin (or anyone else).

That was going to bite him, later. Probably.

This made absolute sense. No one here wanted to hurt the other. But it could happen. It could happen purposefully on accident.

"We'll take it slow. I know that we have a timeline. But I can start practicing forms on my own also before we try anything together."

"Do what you need, as you need. The timeline here is yours to set. I have the information, regardless. If your timeline doesn't match up, we change the plan and your role within it. This is straight forward. If I have to, I can do it alone." There was no... martyrdom there, right now. It was just a statement.

And in truth?

He didn't want to do it alone.

But he absolutely could.

"Obi-Wan," Anakin said. "We're a team. We'll do this together. Not realizing we were better together was a mistake the Jedi made. We won't make that mistake."

Anakin said that because he didn't want Obi-Wan to go alone. What if Obi-Wan didn't come back? Anakin was better about 'letting go' but if he didn't have to, then he'd rather not.

"I can tell you about the Dark Side user that will be aboard the ship."

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