darkforcerising | OPEN POST

"More like fewer people who will worship you." Anakin was always almost universally loved.

...had been.

Now it was-

He shook his head, without losing his slight smile. "Just be as safe as you can. You are still force sensitive."

Obi-Wan said a lot in those few short sentences. His perception of Anakin's likability, perhaps that was viewed through rose colored glasses because there were plenty of Jedi who would argue the opposite about Anakin. But he had to admit he had a penchant for getting into trouble. And this was now a galaxy inhospitable to Force users.

"I will, Obi-Wan." He'd chosen his words very carefully, a deliberate contrast to his teasing about Obi-Wan worry for his safety from that morning, though said with the same warmth. They weren't Master and apprentice anymore, hadn't been for an eternity any way it was cut.

They hadn't been for a long time.

They had never been.

They were relatively recently.

He didn't try to figure it out. He simply accepted the use of his name, and didn't try to figure out how... weirdly relieving that felt, either.

He did a lot of not trying to figure out things too much out while Anakin got himself situated for criminal activity. It settled out quite a bit with time, anyway.

He stopped being surprised by Anakin's stability. He didn't stop being ...intrigued was a good word, by it.

He was surprised by how quiet and empty it was when Anakin left on his first run. Lonely wasn't a thing he was predisposed to. Then again, he'd never had more than a day or two in his entire life when he was completely alone.

He wasn't surprised by how often he had to remind himself not to worry. He was a little surprised that none of that worry had nothing to do with any confusion about feeling responsible for Anakin's well being, and that some of it was just concern that Anakin wouldn't be back.

He was half asleep when he felt Anakin on his way back and didn't resist. He got up, opened the door and went to meet him in the doorway.

Anakin had not been thrown out any airlocks. He'd truly been given the opportunity to pilot a faster than light traveling, space-faring vessel, carrying agro-supplies stacked over a hidden cargo hold of spice. But he could look the other way. The crew was generally easy to get along with, he kept his sabbac win record low enough to not draw suspicion but played frequently enough that they all more or less tolerated each other.

He considered this first run a success, told the ship's captain to keep him in mind for the next run and that he was a comm click away.

It had been odd feeling Obi-Wan both slip away and then, a few days latter, slide back into his senses again. Only because he hadn't felt that outside of memory until now. And he remembered how anxious he used to get when Obi-Wan's presence was stretched to the edges of his mind when they were apart. Now, that anxiety was dull, manageable.

But between the games with the crew he found time to think. Who was it in his past timeline that had filled the role of pilot on this ship that he was replacing? How many cascading consequences would that cause? And smuggling spice for the thrill of flying wouldn't last, how long would he stay here? If he could change this, what else could he change?

He was surprised to find Obi-Wan at the door.

"Is this a new trend of stargazing without committing to the cold?" he joked, walking in with the night chill at his heels.

In sharp contrast to Anakin, Obi-Wan had previously found his anxiety when he could no longer sense Anakin manageable.

This time, with everything behind him, he did not. It left him restless, jumpy, and distracted. He didn't even recognize it as anxiety, he more or less dismissed any thought that might have led him to realizing the source and understanding where it was coming from, and the validity of it, but he was not precisely calm.

He smiled when he saw Anakin, though slightly until Anakin snarked off. "I came out to spare you having to decide whether to knock or not -" And to make sure Anakin was in one piece. "But now that you mention it...." He looked up at the sky. "It is one of Tatooine's nicer features."

Anakin could not help it. The comment about the stars and their being one of Tatooine's nicer features had Anakin closing the distance between them for a hug. The comment felt like home in a way Anakin had not felt in a very long time.

"Do not ever change, Obi-Wan," he said, but then in the same breath, added. "There is nothing nice about Tatooine."

There were situations where he might still panic at physical contact from anyone who looked even a little like Anakin The First, but those were increasingly extreme and unlikely situations.

Certainly it didn't surprise him when he was hugged.

In fact, when Anakin hugged him, the only thing that surprised him was his own reaction. He wanted to not just return the hug but lean when he did. Relax. Maybe let his knees buckle a little and just give in for a second.

He settled for just returning the hug, since that impulse was almost alarming, but he did return the hug, with one arm but firmly.

"I suppose you're right. Technically the stars are the space above the planet..."

He let go after a moment or two, and before that desire to just fucking stop for a bit got any stronger. "Are you hungry? How was the trip?"

Anakin brushed away any strangeness he felt in the Force from Obi-Wan as just 'Obi-Wan,' his friend had always been standoffish about touch and contact. That Obi-Wan returned the hug at all was a big deal.

"I... can't argue with that," Anakin said a bit begrudgingly. "They can't help that they are seen by Tatooine."

He stepped back, to grab the door and pulled it shut behind him. It was cold out there, and the heater was so inviting.

"Hungry, yes. Trip, was good... Um, productive." He was wondering when or how he should bring up what he'd been thinking. Obi-Wan might shoot it all down, because of how dangerous it was, maybe?

"I have complete faith in your ability to argue with anything."

He headed from the door toward the kitchen, trying to shake himself mentally back to normal, putting away the odd moment and carrying on and forward.

"Come eat, then." There was real food - not packaged, not protein bar, but actual (if simple) food. There was also tea, which was still steaming. "And explain what productive means on a drug run."

Simple food sounded delicious, he'd had nothing but meal packs and protein bars since he arrived and he was starting to think that was his life now. And tea... well, not that he disliked it, but considering his host, he assumed he would have to start to like it.

He grabbed plates and started serving the food and let Obi-Wan get the tea.

He sat down before pulling out his phone and pulling up a screen. It displayed symbols from a written language not found in this galaxy. It was color coded list. When he tapped the screen, the symbols changed into something Obi-Wan could read - Aurebesh.

"I know how dangerous this is," this being the list on his phone. "I realized I know things... lots of things that might be useful. That's every Jedi and Force user that I know is still alive."

At the top of the list was Master Luminara Unduli's name, it was in red and down the list were numerous other names colored red.

Obi-Wan was looking at the list when Anakin started speaking. He began freaking out when he read the first name. He continued to freak out steadily more when Anakin opened his mouth and spoke.

By Obi-Wan Kenobi standards of freaking out, meaning he looked from the phone to Anakin, frozen in place and stared.

Seeing names on that list, familiar and not - was a wonderful, wonderful thing. It inspired relief and hope and even a tentative start at joy.

What Anakin was implying he - they? - do about it? Was terrifying.

He wanted to do it.

There was Luke. Leia. Risk of being killed was bearable risk of revealing Luke or Leai's location....

He just kept staring, emotions all over the place in that immediate instant. Then he tried to sort them out - sincerely, honestly, tried, got tangled up between them and his emotions for the future and from the past and just -

Roughly slid the whole mess away and took a breath. Just... focused on the practicals because it's all he could do, and all that mattered, anyway.

"How do we ensure Luke and Leia's safety?"

Anakin understood Obi-Wan's focus on Luke and Leia. He knew dropping this information on Obi-Wan would send the man through a journey of emotions. But it's potential...

"Bail does a lot to protect Leia while leading the Rebellion against Palpatine's Empire. I... die never learning her name. I know who Leia Organa is, but never knew she was my daughter or even that she was Force sensitive. It's something I learn after I die... I don't learn Luke is from Tatooine until after he leaves the planet for good as an adult. We could give this information to Bail, keep any activity away from Tatooine."

He turned the list back so Obi-Wan could see it again, though he didn't shove it in his face again.

"The date next to Master Unduli's name is when she is killed..." He really didn't know how to explain this next part without hurting Obi-Wan. But it was important to explaining all the other names in red. He wanted to look down - Obi-Wan said one day they wouldn't feel guilt, but today was not that day for Anakin. "The Empire uses her remains and lingering Force signature to lure other Jedi into a trap to rescue her. They are almost all killed. That's what the red means." There were a lot of names in red.

He wasn't hurt by news of what was done with Unduli's remains or force signature. He wasn't hurt by how Anakin knew these things - that he remembered doing them himself - beyond a very distant feeling of sympathy for Anakin. He'd already gotten his emotional response out of his way and this new information just... pushed that further.

He listened to everything Anakin had to say without flinching, and not only didn't recoil from the phone he took it from Anakin so he could check the names more thoroughly and the date connected with Luminara's death.

The closest to this state Anakin would have truly seen him in, would be in the middle of a battlefield, deflecting a hailstorm of blaster-fire. Totally focused, but also... incredibly remote, and disconnected. That state just went deeper, now.

Yoda would have approved.

"My concern is that what Vader knows now may not be what he continues to know after we begin to change the course of events. It's also incredibly risky for Bail." There was barely a pause, because - "Even if he's caught and killed, if the information goes out and it saves this many lives, it needs to be done. He'll agree with that. We also need to, if at all possible, get to Luminara. Can you still use a lightsaber?"

Yoda would have strongly approved.

Edited 2020-01-12 04:09 (UTC)

Anakin did not approve.

He'd been in the war too, he'd served in another planet's military in another life. He knew how to be a good soldier. But he did not like what the Jedi required from good soldiers.

He reached out to Obi-Wan's hand, trying to keep his friend grounded. Stay with me, he desperately sent the plea through the Force.

"I can," he said. "And I can tell you she will be transported to Stygeon Prime in thirty days. I can tell you the exact ship that is used, when it departs, where it departs from, what hyperjumps it makes, and the composition of the crew that transports her... there will be a Dark Side Force user with the crew to watch over her, but it's not Vader. I know this because I ordered it. Much of that information will change, but at first... things could be better."

It would have been very easy to pretend he didn't hear Anakin's plea. It would have been even easier to pretend he didn't understand what he was asking of Obi-Wan. He was, literally, sitting right there, after all.

Except he knew better.

He flipped his hand under Anakin's so it was palm up and gripped onto Anakin's wrist - hard. Not hard enough to bruise, much less do more serious damage, but it was a firm grip. He knew what Anakin was asking him to do, and he knew Anakin was trying to ground him. He cooperated and tried to ground himself.

It more or less worked, except the second he started trying to be more... there with more of himself, he started getting a whole lot of emotion he couldn't really cope with, combined with very vividly clear memories of the results from the last trap the Empire had set for the Jedi.

He very legitimately tried to figure out how to balance it out well enough to be both present and productive. He very legitimately failed.

Whatever was trying to surface - in his eyes, in the force, emotionally - just... submerged again, leaving him clear eyed. He did not, however, let go of his grip on Anakin, because at the very least he could refuse to get... any more clarity than he already had.

"Do you have a good idea for what we do with her after we find her?" That much information meant they'd be fine to do this alone and it would be well away from Tatooine. He could arm Anakin as soon as they were done here. They should probably do some training together so he could know what had changed. But the after was going to be hard. "I assume she will have an opinion, but some suggestions or idea would be wise."

Edited 2020-01-12 04:50 (UTC)

Anakin could see, in the sense of using the Force, what Obi-Wan was doing. He wanted so much more for Obi-Wan, a way to always control all of that raw emotion that surged through him. He couldn't take it away, but he could guide him for the present moment.

"Obi-Wan." He squeezed them man's wrist back, waited for him to look back with understanding that Anakin wanted to ask him something. "I do have an idea. But I need you to do something for me first. I need you to tell me five true things you see around you. After each thing, take a deep breath and let it out slowly." He even measured his own breathing so it was steady, noticeable, like a template.

They could plan, they had time, but right at that moment, Obi-Wan needed someone with him.

The combination of his name and physical pressure turned out to be pretty effectively at, at least, getting him to focus properly on Anakin and understand that Anakin wanted his attention.

He had no idea what Anakin was trying to get him to do, though, or why (probably good, he would likely have protested if he'd understood more). He understood breathing exercises, but the rest of it just struck him as... strange. It was also harmless.

"The fork." He didn't even realize he was synching his breathing up with Anakin's. "The tea mug." And kept doing it. "Your cloak." ...kept doing it and realized he couldn't actually just rattle of what was around him, and not just because he was breathing. He had to pay attention. "My lightsaber." That breath wasn't quite in time with Anakin's. Slightly deeper and slower. "Datapad on the chair." The final intentionally deep breath continued to be slightly off rhythm because he was more aware of his own breathing.

He was still pretty rocky but he was, at least, in his head and aware of the room he was in.

He waited through the exercise, and even when Obi-Wan was done, he didn't let go. He had his own welling surge of emotions boiling in the back of his mind. Guilt for the state his friend was in. He wasn't responsible for the way the Jedi striped their members of healthy ways to cope with their emotions, but Obi-Wan wouldn't be this broken if it wasn't for him.

But he pushed against that wall and pressed forward the phone again, scrolling to the section for just 'Force Users'. He enlarged the screen on one simple black name, no date next to, no adornment like the other names.

Ahsoka Tano

"There's someone else still alive." He nodded for Obi-Wan to look. "She not only survived Order 66, she survives... everything."

That black name and the lack of date makes him really, sincerely, smile, even if it wasn't a particularly broad one. He was relieved, yes, and he loved her, but he was also proud of her.

He wants to address that, but there's something more important, here, and that was... Anakin.

"Anakin." He squeezed Anakin's wrist and waited.

"Hmm?" Anakin looked up and waited for Obi-Wan to say what he needed to.

"When I was fourteen years old, a mission with Qui-Gon went very wrong and one of my friends was involved. Time was of the essence, someone was going to die -everything mission gone wrong entails. I became so panicked that I could not stand up, much less move. Qui-Gon had to literally sit on the floor and tell me to breathe until I unlocked enough to function."

This is all matter of fact. Possibly because it's damn close to a lecture.

"Vader and what he did undoubtedly did not make it any better, but this is not Vader's doing. It certainly isn't yours. I know that doesn't make the guilt go away, but please take a moment and internalize at least the possibility that you are not responsible for everything wrong, even here, and more importantly that you died as Vader and were reborn someone else."

How did Palpatine hide his emotions so well from all the Jedi? That sure could come in handy right? It wasn't fair when something he was likely to say to Obi-Wan was used against him.

But turn about was fair play.

"Only if you do it with me, Old Man." Obi-Wan was right, the feelings didn't just magically go away, but Anakin would work on it.

Now, if they were both present at the table...

"Do you want to hear my ideas?"

"I already internalized that you weren't Vader before you'd been here two days." That was what Anakin meant, right?

"I want to hear your ideas."

And to keep holding Anakin's wrist appare .

...Palpatine had hidden his feelings so well because the Jedi hasn't know him well enough.

Anakin leveled a look at Obi-Wan, because, no, that was not what he'd meant.

But he didn't pull back his arm.

"I don't just want to save Master Unduli - I do still want that. But I want that ship, too. Palpatine keeps anything Jedi related from all but a very few in the military leadership. Her transport will be classified so only a handful of people will even know it's happening.

"But that ship, those prisoner transports have heavy shielding and armaments, long range communication, and hyperdrive capabilities. They have the ability for long term housing. Order 66 worked because the Jedi were scattered, isolated, and for the most part, grounded. That's the strategy the Empire continues to use as it hunts down singular individuals.

"Let's change it."

"Taking the ship is a good idea - both for the long term benefits, and for the more immediate one: Force help me, but we cannot allow anyone from the Empire to leave that ship alive. There will still be reports, they will know, but we cannot afford first hand reports, witnesses, or any direct identification of either of us. Not unless what you actually want is a very unnecessarily complicated suicide or one or both of us becoming completely useless in our own cause."

The idea made him tired. 'go in and kill everyone' was not his preferred strategy. He didn't even like fighting. He gave everyone an opportunity to at least surrender, but that was... no longer an option. Even removing memories, when their ultimate enemy was a Sith Lord and his Apprentice was not going to be enough.

He also knew, perfectly well, he was telling Anakin he was going to have to do this and he knew that was going to be... hard.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject