darkforcerising | OPEN POST

There were situations where he might still panic at physical contact from anyone who looked even a little like Anakin The First, but those were increasingly extreme and unlikely situations.

Certainly it didn't surprise him when he was hugged.

In fact, when Anakin hugged him, the only thing that surprised him was his own reaction. He wanted to not just return the hug but lean when he did. Relax. Maybe let his knees buckle a little and just give in for a second.

He settled for just returning the hug, since that impulse was almost alarming, but he did return the hug, with one arm but firmly.

"I suppose you're right. Technically the stars are the space above the planet..."

He let go after a moment or two, and before that desire to just fucking stop for a bit got any stronger. "Are you hungry? How was the trip?"

Anakin brushed away any strangeness he felt in the Force from Obi-Wan as just 'Obi-Wan,' his friend had always been standoffish about touch and contact. That Obi-Wan returned the hug at all was a big deal.

"I... can't argue with that," Anakin said a bit begrudgingly. "They can't help that they are seen by Tatooine."

He stepped back, to grab the door and pulled it shut behind him. It was cold out there, and the heater was so inviting.

"Hungry, yes. Trip, was good... Um, productive." He was wondering when or how he should bring up what he'd been thinking. Obi-Wan might shoot it all down, because of how dangerous it was, maybe?

"I have complete faith in your ability to argue with anything."

He headed from the door toward the kitchen, trying to shake himself mentally back to normal, putting away the odd moment and carrying on and forward.

"Come eat, then." There was real food - not packaged, not protein bar, but actual (if simple) food. There was also tea, which was still steaming. "And explain what productive means on a drug run."

Simple food sounded delicious, he'd had nothing but meal packs and protein bars since he arrived and he was starting to think that was his life now. And tea... well, not that he disliked it, but considering his host, he assumed he would have to start to like it.

He grabbed plates and started serving the food and let Obi-Wan get the tea.

He sat down before pulling out his phone and pulling up a screen. It displayed symbols from a written language not found in this galaxy. It was color coded list. When he tapped the screen, the symbols changed into something Obi-Wan could read - Aurebesh.

"I know how dangerous this is," this being the list on his phone. "I realized I know things... lots of things that might be useful. That's every Jedi and Force user that I know is still alive."

At the top of the list was Master Luminara Unduli's name, it was in red and down the list were numerous other names colored red.

Obi-Wan was looking at the list when Anakin started speaking. He began freaking out when he read the first name. He continued to freak out steadily more when Anakin opened his mouth and spoke.

By Obi-Wan Kenobi standards of freaking out, meaning he looked from the phone to Anakin, frozen in place and stared.

Seeing names on that list, familiar and not - was a wonderful, wonderful thing. It inspired relief and hope and even a tentative start at joy.

What Anakin was implying he - they? - do about it? Was terrifying.

He wanted to do it.

There was Luke. Leia. Risk of being killed was bearable risk of revealing Luke or Leai's location....

He just kept staring, emotions all over the place in that immediate instant. Then he tried to sort them out - sincerely, honestly, tried, got tangled up between them and his emotions for the future and from the past and just -

Roughly slid the whole mess away and took a breath. Just... focused on the practicals because it's all he could do, and all that mattered, anyway.

"How do we ensure Luke and Leia's safety?"

Anakin understood Obi-Wan's focus on Luke and Leia. He knew dropping this information on Obi-Wan would send the man through a journey of emotions. But it's potential...

"Bail does a lot to protect Leia while leading the Rebellion against Palpatine's Empire. I... die never learning her name. I know who Leia Organa is, but never knew she was my daughter or even that she was Force sensitive. It's something I learn after I die... I don't learn Luke is from Tatooine until after he leaves the planet for good as an adult. We could give this information to Bail, keep any activity away from Tatooine."

He turned the list back so Obi-Wan could see it again, though he didn't shove it in his face again.

"The date next to Master Unduli's name is when she is killed..." He really didn't know how to explain this next part without hurting Obi-Wan. But it was important to explaining all the other names in red. He wanted to look down - Obi-Wan said one day they wouldn't feel guilt, but today was not that day for Anakin. "The Empire uses her remains and lingering Force signature to lure other Jedi into a trap to rescue her. They are almost all killed. That's what the red means." There were a lot of names in red.

He wasn't hurt by news of what was done with Unduli's remains or force signature. He wasn't hurt by how Anakin knew these things - that he remembered doing them himself - beyond a very distant feeling of sympathy for Anakin. He'd already gotten his emotional response out of his way and this new information just... pushed that further.

He listened to everything Anakin had to say without flinching, and not only didn't recoil from the phone he took it from Anakin so he could check the names more thoroughly and the date connected with Luminara's death.

The closest to this state Anakin would have truly seen him in, would be in the middle of a battlefield, deflecting a hailstorm of blaster-fire. Totally focused, but also... incredibly remote, and disconnected. That state just went deeper, now.

Yoda would have approved.

"My concern is that what Vader knows now may not be what he continues to know after we begin to change the course of events. It's also incredibly risky for Bail." There was barely a pause, because - "Even if he's caught and killed, if the information goes out and it saves this many lives, it needs to be done. He'll agree with that. We also need to, if at all possible, get to Luminara. Can you still use a lightsaber?"

Yoda would have strongly approved.

Edited 2020-01-12 04:09 (UTC)

Anakin did not approve.

He'd been in the war too, he'd served in another planet's military in another life. He knew how to be a good soldier. But he did not like what the Jedi required from good soldiers.

He reached out to Obi-Wan's hand, trying to keep his friend grounded. Stay with me, he desperately sent the plea through the Force.

"I can," he said. "And I can tell you she will be transported to Stygeon Prime in thirty days. I can tell you the exact ship that is used, when it departs, where it departs from, what hyperjumps it makes, and the composition of the crew that transports her... there will be a Dark Side Force user with the crew to watch over her, but it's not Vader. I know this because I ordered it. Much of that information will change, but at first... things could be better."

It would have been very easy to pretend he didn't hear Anakin's plea. It would have been even easier to pretend he didn't understand what he was asking of Obi-Wan. He was, literally, sitting right there, after all.

Except he knew better.

He flipped his hand under Anakin's so it was palm up and gripped onto Anakin's wrist - hard. Not hard enough to bruise, much less do more serious damage, but it was a firm grip. He knew what Anakin was asking him to do, and he knew Anakin was trying to ground him. He cooperated and tried to ground himself.

It more or less worked, except the second he started trying to be more... there with more of himself, he started getting a whole lot of emotion he couldn't really cope with, combined with very vividly clear memories of the results from the last trap the Empire had set for the Jedi.

He very legitimately tried to figure out how to balance it out well enough to be both present and productive. He very legitimately failed.

Whatever was trying to surface - in his eyes, in the force, emotionally - just... submerged again, leaving him clear eyed. He did not, however, let go of his grip on Anakin, because at the very least he could refuse to get... any more clarity than he already had.

"Do you have a good idea for what we do with her after we find her?" That much information meant they'd be fine to do this alone and it would be well away from Tatooine. He could arm Anakin as soon as they were done here. They should probably do some training together so he could know what had changed. But the after was going to be hard. "I assume she will have an opinion, but some suggestions or idea would be wise."

Edited 2020-01-12 04:50 (UTC)

Anakin could see, in the sense of using the Force, what Obi-Wan was doing. He wanted so much more for Obi-Wan, a way to always control all of that raw emotion that surged through him. He couldn't take it away, but he could guide him for the present moment.

"Obi-Wan." He squeezed them man's wrist back, waited for him to look back with understanding that Anakin wanted to ask him something. "I do have an idea. But I need you to do something for me first. I need you to tell me five true things you see around you. After each thing, take a deep breath and let it out slowly." He even measured his own breathing so it was steady, noticeable, like a template.

They could plan, they had time, but right at that moment, Obi-Wan needed someone with him.

The combination of his name and physical pressure turned out to be pretty effectively at, at least, getting him to focus properly on Anakin and understand that Anakin wanted his attention.

He had no idea what Anakin was trying to get him to do, though, or why (probably good, he would likely have protested if he'd understood more). He understood breathing exercises, but the rest of it just struck him as... strange. It was also harmless.

"The fork." He didn't even realize he was synching his breathing up with Anakin's. "The tea mug." And kept doing it. "Your cloak." ...kept doing it and realized he couldn't actually just rattle of what was around him, and not just because he was breathing. He had to pay attention. "My lightsaber." That breath wasn't quite in time with Anakin's. Slightly deeper and slower. "Datapad on the chair." The final intentionally deep breath continued to be slightly off rhythm because he was more aware of his own breathing.

He was still pretty rocky but he was, at least, in his head and aware of the room he was in.

He waited through the exercise, and even when Obi-Wan was done, he didn't let go. He had his own welling surge of emotions boiling in the back of his mind. Guilt for the state his friend was in. He wasn't responsible for the way the Jedi striped their members of healthy ways to cope with their emotions, but Obi-Wan wouldn't be this broken if it wasn't for him.

But he pushed against that wall and pressed forward the phone again, scrolling to the section for just 'Force Users'. He enlarged the screen on one simple black name, no date next to, no adornment like the other names.

Ahsoka Tano

"There's someone else still alive." He nodded for Obi-Wan to look. "She not only survived Order 66, she survives... everything."

That black name and the lack of date makes him really, sincerely, smile, even if it wasn't a particularly broad one. He was relieved, yes, and he loved her, but he was also proud of her.

He wants to address that, but there's something more important, here, and that was... Anakin.

"Anakin." He squeezed Anakin's wrist and waited.

"Hmm?" Anakin looked up and waited for Obi-Wan to say what he needed to.

"When I was fourteen years old, a mission with Qui-Gon went very wrong and one of my friends was involved. Time was of the essence, someone was going to die -everything mission gone wrong entails. I became so panicked that I could not stand up, much less move. Qui-Gon had to literally sit on the floor and tell me to breathe until I unlocked enough to function."

This is all matter of fact. Possibly because it's damn close to a lecture.

"Vader and what he did undoubtedly did not make it any better, but this is not Vader's doing. It certainly isn't yours. I know that doesn't make the guilt go away, but please take a moment and internalize at least the possibility that you are not responsible for everything wrong, even here, and more importantly that you died as Vader and were reborn someone else."

How did Palpatine hide his emotions so well from all the Jedi? That sure could come in handy right? It wasn't fair when something he was likely to say to Obi-Wan was used against him.

But turn about was fair play.

"Only if you do it with me, Old Man." Obi-Wan was right, the feelings didn't just magically go away, but Anakin would work on it.

Now, if they were both present at the table...

"Do you want to hear my ideas?"

"I already internalized that you weren't Vader before you'd been here two days." That was what Anakin meant, right?

"I want to hear your ideas."

And to keep holding Anakin's wrist appare .

...Palpatine had hidden his feelings so well because the Jedi hasn't know him well enough.

Anakin leveled a look at Obi-Wan, because, no, that was not what he'd meant.

But he didn't pull back his arm.

"I don't just want to save Master Unduli - I do still want that. But I want that ship, too. Palpatine keeps anything Jedi related from all but a very few in the military leadership. Her transport will be classified so only a handful of people will even know it's happening.

"But that ship, those prisoner transports have heavy shielding and armaments, long range communication, and hyperdrive capabilities. They have the ability for long term housing. Order 66 worked because the Jedi were scattered, isolated, and for the most part, grounded. That's the strategy the Empire continues to use as it hunts down singular individuals.

"Let's change it."

"Taking the ship is a good idea - both for the long term benefits, and for the more immediate one: Force help me, but we cannot allow anyone from the Empire to leave that ship alive. There will still be reports, they will know, but we cannot afford first hand reports, witnesses, or any direct identification of either of us. Not unless what you actually want is a very unnecessarily complicated suicide or one or both of us becoming completely useless in our own cause."

The idea made him tired. 'go in and kill everyone' was not his preferred strategy. He didn't even like fighting. He gave everyone an opportunity to at least surrender, but that was... no longer an option. Even removing memories, when their ultimate enemy was a Sith Lord and his Apprentice was not going to be enough.

He also knew, perfectly well, he was telling Anakin he was going to have to do this and he knew that was going to be... hard.

Anakin had been worried this would be the hardest part to sell to Obi-Wan: the complete death of the crew. Of course they would kill the Inquisitor, Anakin hardly cared about them, didn't even blink when he was first thinking about this plan. But the crew was different - though they were aligned with the Empire, they were just doing their duty.

But he hadn't even needed to explain to Obi-Wan why they would have to kill all of them. He nodded, showing Obi-Wan he understood and accepted that difficult truth, too.

"Her guard will be Clones." Clones who could not, for the most part, control what orders they could and couldn't follow.

"Besides that, there will be the Dark Side user and no one else on that ship. Two of her guard will be selected for the pilot crew. They are not even using ship escort. The whole mission is depending on secrecy. Which," he shrugged. "Goes a long way in the Empire."

He was concerned primarily for Anakin. He was going to suffer for understanding this so clearly and he knew it, but sacrifice of life for a greater good was not... entirely unfamiliar to him as a concept. He'd survive.

Asking Anakin to pick up that lightsaber, even after a lifetime, and to slaughter all but one person on that ship... it was bound to be, at best, incredibly uncomfortable.

It was not, honestly, likely to be particularly comfortable for Obi-Wan, either, but in at least this regard his division between Anakin and Vader was clear.

The one place that division divided was the possibility that it would trigger something in Anakin and in the process of fighting back against the Empire, they created another Darth Vader? He hated himself for thinking it, but it was a what-if that he... couldn't entirely put away. It was a doubt he couldn't put away.

His Anakin had been groomed by Palpatine, and he knew that, but there was so much he didn't know.

He didn't let go of Anakin's wrist.

"This will be the only time we will have the element of surprise on our side. After that we'll have to expect them to be better prepared and for the information you have to be less accurate. But this should be straight-forward. We have thirty days. I don't want to contact Bail until much closer to time. Between now and then we should prepare, and by prepare I mean train."

And deal with at least the initial response to having a lightsaber back in his hand. His own lightsaber.

He wanted to say this wouldn’t be a big deal, that he’d be fine. But that would be a lie.

That was a fear Anakin had. Turning into Vader, again. To be consumed by those memories...

But hiding his fears from Obi-Wan had been one of the crucial mistakes he’d made the first Time around. If this time was going to be different, there would be no self-denial covered with a brave mask.

He looked down at his uneaten food.

“I could always not use a lightsaber,” he suggested. “There are other ways to fight.”

"You could," he agreed, fingers tightening gently around Anakin's wrist. It was gentle, but it was firm enough that he could feel Anakin's pulse against his palm. "Though many of those methods are more personal."

"You could also use mine - you've used it before and if your memories are as clear as they seem, you should be able to adjust to using it now." His lightsaber was built and balanced differently than Anakin's old one. It was lighter, all around, and the build of it was almost delicate, at least in comparison to Anakin's. Anakin had been dropped, thrown, and lost rather often, and the build suited that, as well as Anakin's more... aggressive fighting style.

"If we had more time I might even suggest switching your form entirely, but I don't think trying to use something else in a month is going to be safe, even for you." He paused, watching Anakin's face and just quietly worrying about him - on many levels, some of them he felt guilty about. "We can also ... divide duties onboard in a way that leaves you in a more stable role as protector and defender." Yes, he had just suggested he do all the killing. He was not exactly mentally stable but at his worst he dissociated and went... clear.

The fact that Anakin had known Obi-Wan had the lightsaber this whole time and had not once before this was a testament to how much this did scare him.

A voice inside Anakin's head wanted to defily say he could get creative. He could get creative - he'd shown that again and again as a General in the Clone Wars. But there were a few reasons holding him back.

For one, this mission was crucial, not only for Master Unduli's life, but this had the potential to strike a resonating blow against Palpatine and his Empire. They needed to go in with steady planning. Once in the fray, making snap decisions was going to happen. But right now, from outside looking in, he had to honestly accept they needed a solid plan.

For another, he had to address any fears he had about his own lightsaber at some point. As quiet as this hut was, they were planning acts of rebellion. This was still a war. They had thirty days, when would they have another stretch of time so long.

"I need to address this. We're never going to have another opportunity for this much time at our disposal. I know what we need to do... I know how exposure therapy works." He'd gone through it once after his jet crash. "We should try it a few days, see how it goes before scrapping it for other ideas."

He looked down at this food again. Though he still didn't pull his hand back. Holding onto Obi-Wan's hand was its home now.

"Can I eat dinner first?"

"I didn't cook so you could stare at the food," he said, with just a tiny hint of snark. "You can eat first, yes, but do it with your other hand." If the prosthetic - he doesn't actually know how well it works. He's going to find out, he supposes.

He wasn't going to fight Anakin on trying this. One of the mistakes he'd made was being... not too forgiving Anakin, but of avoiding too many uncomfortable situations and discussions, and making altogether too many... excuses for him, rather than dealing with things.

There was a lot of fear between them. Tightly entwined enough that he couldn't tell where Anakin's stops and his own begins. He couldn't tell how much of his fear was for Anakin and how much was of Anakin.

There was some quiet determination on both their parts, too.

It needed done, they were going to do it.

Even if only one of them knew how exposure therapy worked.

"I'll get it when we're finished here. And at some point, if we aren't using an alternative option, we are going to be training against one another." With very real, deadly, not training weapons.

Fun.

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