darkforcerising | OPEN POST

Anakin reached for Obi-Wan's hand. "Can I have your hand?" It seemed like an odd request, maybe, but Anakin had his reasons. He'd explain them, he just wanted some part of Obi-Wan to touch, to ground him.

It only seemed odd that Anakin felt the need to ask, and even that wasn't particularly odd. He extended his hand across the table, palm up for Anakin.

"Obi-Wan," Anakin started, and then stopped.

He took Obi-Wan's hand in both of his, and he gently brushed his thumbs over the palm and then down the man's wrist. It was a soft reminder, what had happened to Obi-wan's arms on Mustafar - what he, Anakin, had done to him. And what he'd promised to never do again.

"Some ends justify the means," he started again. "Some don't... I haven't had anyone to talk to about the line between what I learned how to do as Vader that is usable and what isn't. It doesn't come naturally for me... But that doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it." He brought that palm up for a kiss. "Because we should know that line."

We - them, together. The team. This was about trust and learning to trust again and again. Trust was what made Tatooine bearable and every mission bearable. Trusting Obi-Wan this time.

There were lines he did not and would not cross. He didn't love Anakin's methodology in saving him, but he also didn't fault him for it and it wasn't over the line for his comfort with Anakin.

More globally... he didn't know.

He had other lines he struggled with, fairly hard recently, when it came to Anakin. Something about attachment and fear, and the past and the future and-

He curled his fingers lightly but let Anakin do what he wanted with his hand, albeit stroking his thumb over Anakin's jaw while he had it lifted to his mouth.

"Then tell me."

It could have come across as... dismissive, or even demanding. It wasn't actually either. It was encouragement and invitation.

Anakin wasn't put off, he'd dealt with Obi-Wan enough to know when he was being dismissive. This wasn't it.

"I guess the easiest to explain is the thermal detonators."

As he talked he worried a finger - from his right hand this time - over the lines on Obi-Wan's palm. Fleetingly, he wondered if Obi-Wan would get a kick out of the idea of telling fortunes from the lines on your palm.

"It's just a mix of telekinesis and the connection I have with machines and electronics. With enough practice, I just got better at controlling more things at once more intricately."

"Yes, once you told me what you'd done, I assumed that was the case." He could even have done it, had he understood they were there well enough to find them with the Force. Not as well or as dramatically (not with that many), he may not have been able to follow through - depending - but he could have done the action.

He curled his fingers a little when metal slid against his skin and - actually really enjoyed the trust and the contrast in sensation.

Anakin absolutely believed Obi-Wan could do it. It just took practice to find the familiar feeling of the detonators, and keep track of every switch all at once in your mind. But yes, you had to know they were there first, and be willing to do it. To take the deadly option against a foe. Before, the goal had always been to find the least harmful way possible to win... but they had numbers on their side then. Now it was just them. That’s what Anakin needed to work out here, the why it was okay now to do it.

“The other skill...” Done tracing lines, he dragged his finger down one of Obi-Wan’s fingers.

“It’s hard to explain the difference between just telekinesis and... the sheer force of will involved with the other.”

And given how that had been a problem for him before - the tendency to exert his will instead of going with the will of the Force, that’s where his discomfort lie.

He really just wanted to hear from Obi-Wan that he wasn’t slipping.

He is fairly certain that he understands what Anakin means, possibly even better than Anakin does. He'd had access to vaults and information not just as a Master, but a member of the Council, that Anakin had never had.

Or, rather, hadn't had until he'd destroyed the temple and after then who knew what he'd bothered with.

"There is a very, very old skill amongst the Jedi - and the Sith - that was all but lost when Jedi stopped participating in any sort of large scale conflict and fully embraced their status as peace keepers." He stroked his thumb over the side of Anakin's hand. "There wasn't much detail, even within the vaults, but it's called Battle Meditation. The general idea of the thing is that your partner, your troops, or your entire battalion - or your enemy - become part of a single organism and subjected to the will of person or people at the center. It can control movement, lead to absolute conviction of success or just hope, or absolutely convince the enemy of their defeat so thoroughly that the conviction becomes reality. It isn't fast communication or directly moving them. It is literally the act of turning the subjects into an extension of your body; an act of will. I imagine, as with most things, where it falls on the scale of acceptability is down to who, and what, and why, and a dozen other things. But Vader and I used a very small scale version of it between each other for years in practice and combat. It isn't inherently wrong."

Edited 2020-02-03 18:24 (UTC)

“Winning because we want to.” He smiled, liking the sound of that. Listening to Obi-Wan relaxed him. Obi-Wan hadn’t scolded him. They were okay.

“Do we need to get into the vaults or do you remember enough from what you read to teach me?”

"If it were a matter of walking down the hall, visiting the vaults would be a good idea. Given what it actually entails, and that there is far more reference to the technique than instruction there." He kept stroking the side of Anakin's hand, quiet and thoughtful. "I think I can more or less teach you, but suspect there's going to be some... experimentation necessary, regardless." Don't expect perfection from him, Anakin.

"What's the cost of experimenting?" He moved onto tracing other fingers, not sure why, but Obi-Wan seemed to like it, so why stop?

"Is it just our own wellbeing or will it hurt others?"

"It shouldn't hurt others if we are cautious in how we experiment and at what, at least at these stages. At some point, that will no longer be true. Neither will the decisions be clear, or easy."

They're... not gods. They're two men trying to save an entire galaxy, and the question of how many-

"The questions of which and how many lines we cross isn't going to get easier, for either of us."

"No, it won't," Anakin agreed.

"But this conversation helped." And he would try to initiate these conversations rather than keep it inside. "I trust you. When do we start?"

He smiles at Anakin, slightly, and stands from his place at the table. "Tomorrow." Should be good enough and make use of the time until his stamina has returned. He walks around the table and kisses Anakin's forehead. "Tonight, I think I will take a walk."

"Take your comm." As if Anakin was the responsible one that had to remind Obi-Wan to be safe- he wasn't. But he still worried.

"Yes, dear," he said, with an eye-roll but a brush of warmth, affection, reassurance. "I'll wear a cloak, too."

A pause and - "I'm not seeking distance from you. Put on a cloak yourself and come with me."

Oh- Anakin had thought Obi-Wan wanted to think about some things on his own. He would take this chance, he stood up and grabbed his cloak.

"You know what is worse than sand?"

"Cold sand?" he smiles, slightly, and once Anakin has wrapped himself in his cloak, Obi-Wan heads out the door. "You know what's nearly as good as clarity?"

Anakin shot Obi-Wan a hurt look for taking his answer from him. But it was playful, he wasn't really upset.

"Cold clarity?" he asks at Obi-Wan's side, mimicking the other man's answer.

He laughed at the look - and the answer. "No, just cold. It isn't the same thing, but the sort of cold that hurts to breathe, and cuts all the way through you, can almost be a substitute if you let it."

It was some vague, feeling, almost romantic thing but he meant it.

"Like having every non-essential part of you blown away."

Obi-Wan was not wrong. Anakin understood how sometimes a bracing wind could help shock the system, and then he could think more clearly.

Once outside, Anakin asked, "What are you hoping is blown away on this walk?"

He looked at Anakin with a faint, crooked, and sweet but oddly sad smile.

"Cobwebs - and shadows." He took a deep breath, and released it slowly, watching his breath freeze into a cloud in the bitterly cold air as he walked. "It feels like we're approaching a point where you become the voice of reason and morality."

"Obi-Wan," Anakin said gently. "If it seems that way, it's only because of the terrible choices I made before. You... you've always just known what was right without having to-" he almost said 'get burned first' but he stopped himself.

"I've always had to have the lesson slam me in the face, sometimes multiple times before I understood."

"I could engage you in a long recitation of all the times I had not the first idea what was right, but feigned confidence anyway, and the points Vader had far more compassion than I. It isn't really my point." That was partially tease, and partially not. "I am neither using you as a low bar nor a hide one. I am quite literally telling you that I am rapidly reaching a point where I want this done more than I care if the method of achieving it is right. Had you not stopped to ask me to check your thoughts tonight, I'm not sure it would have occurred to me to even question the ethics or morality of imposing will on others as a means of winning. That is... a horrible sigh."

Edited 2020-02-04 05:34 (UTC)

Anakin listened. He wanted to say something to the effect of 'Nothing Obi-Wan had ever compromised or got wrong had come close to what he'd done in the name of justifying the ends. But he listened.

"This is called burnout. No one person has the ability to fight constantly."

Though it was cold, Anakin reached for Obi-Wan's hand as they walked.

"Maybe we take a break from missions for a while. We can ask the other Jedi we've saved if they will bridge the gap. We let Bail build his network. Maybe the next mission we do is finally talking to Bail and Galen Erso about the need to keep the Death Star weapon project going for our own needs. And then maybe we just hide here for a while."

He squeezed Obi-Wan's hand. "I'll stay here on Tatooine with you."

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