darkforcerising | OPEN POST

"I wasn't very good at listening." About his health he still wasn't. He stroked his thumb over the side of Anakin's hand. He may be fairly useless in going there and lighting a fire, but Anakin was not alone.

"Well. We could always let the Empire complete their planet destroying weapon...." And then use it. Then destroy it. You want the nuclear option? There it was.

"We could even help them."

Edited 2020-01-19 01:30 (UTC)

Anakin looked eyes with Obi-Wan. This was serious. He wasn’t objecting, the feelings he sent in the Force were ones of deep concern for the future - weighing the dangers of what was needed to be done against what they were fighting.

Letting a weapon like that exist... was no light decision.

Echoes of millions of people dying at once, and the feeling of not caring reverberated in his mind.

He knew Obi-Wan wasn’t being cavalier.

He closed his eyes and leaned into Obi-Wan’s hand.

“We don’t do this without Bail on board.”

He was a horrible solider, but a good General and a better strategist. However strange the dichotomy, all of those things were true.

He could feel the weight of Anakin's concern, and while he lacked the knowledge he shared those concerns. He was, not at all, being caviler, but this was... a sound option that could resolve two issues at once.

"Agreed, but is there a specific reason?" Because he just looped Bail in and this felt more... personal.

Anakin did not want to say it. But he said, “Yes.”

He didn’t want to say more but he said, “The weapon was used. On Alderaan.”

He didn't dissociate, he just got... not angry, but very resolved and even more determined.

He... dug in.

For two reasons: One, it was horrifying. Two, it was upsetting Anakin and, all right, Three: He had very little in the galaxy as it stood, that served as a touchstone. Bail was one of those things.

"Well, that isn't going to happen."

Anakin agreed that the Death Star could not be used on anything but Exegol.

“We have nineteen years,” Anakin said. Or less if they help it get made.

It was getting very warm inside. He stood up.

“I need to step outside.”

He let go of Anakin's hand, but he did not let go of concern. "Okay. If you want - or will accept - company, please let me know."

He was ... worried, but the weight of potential and weight of memory were very, very different. He wanted to help, but also knew that sometimes space was help - or as near to it as was possible.

“You can come with, I just want air,” Anakin said. “It’s a lot to think about.”

"It is."

It was. It was a lot to think about, and overwhelming and intimidating but it was also... impersonal, in many ways - for him. A problem, but not an immediate one, and one that had... a possibility of being resolved.

He stood up and walked around the table and put a hand on Anakin's back. "And much, much, more to remember."

For the second time that day, Anakin was grateful for an attribute of Tatooine. The freezing night air was clarifying.

After taking it in for a minute, he said, “I need... I think I need to talk about it. But if you don’t want to hear about it, I’ll... I won’t.”

"If I wasn't willing to listen, I wouldn't have wanted to come with you." Which is a bit more... reserved than the total truth. He'd come out hoping Anakin would talk to him.

The words had some reservation. That he kept his fingers just lightly on Anakin was not. Neither was the clear concern and desire to help, so very present in the force.

Part of Anakin held back because he didn’t want Obi-Wan to see him differently. Even after everything Obi-Wan already knew.

“I was there. It wasn’t my project and I didn’t give a shit about it. Tarkin and another military leader messed up plugging the leak about its existence and the flaw in the design, and that’s what I was there to deal with - their failure. Leia was part of the Rebels that stole the information. Because of her, Tarkin made Alderaan an example of what the weapon could do...

“I was there, but I didn’t care, and I didn’t stop it.”

He wrapped both arms around Anakin, though very loosely. He didn't want Anakin to feel confined right now.

He thought, too, about holding back. Because of the potential to make things difficult for Anakin, and less so for himself. In the end, though, he really was still himself and didn't.

"I miss Anakin." His Anakin, he means. "The longer this goes, the more angry I am at Vader, for what he is doing and what he has already done to you - but the more I understand. 19 years.... I'm very nearly glad for his sake that he felt nothing. For yours, the only thing I'm glad about is the opportunity to stop it and, I hope, help lighten those memories, if only a little."

Anakin pulled Obi-Wan in closer, tighter. He didn't need caution right now, though he understood why Obi-Wan did it. And funnily enough, Obi-Wan being Obi-Wan was soothing all in it own way.

"I'm sorry you lost him," he said. "I'm sorry Palpatine took him away from you. If I could bring him back for you, I would." And Anakin meant every word of it. Obi-Wan deserved so much more than this hut on a trash planet, everything he'd ever loved taken away from him.

"I'm not opposed to the plan, but it frightens me... I guess it should."

When Anakin showed him what he wanted - or rather, right now, needed - Obi-Wan responded. He wrapped his arms tighter around Anakin and held onto him with steady strength.

He snorted, almost delicately, and shook his head a bit. He wouldn't let Anakin, for a lot of reasons. It wasn't a place he wanted to go and-

"It should scare us both, but we have years. It is entirely possible that we will be able to find another solution, as we gather more resources. Having a plan is good. That doesn't mean we won't keep looking for another."

Anakin wanted another solution. Hoped one would present itself.

The cold was now finally getting to him. He held Obi-Wan tighter.

“Should probably go back inside, before Tatooine kills us.”

He kissed Anakin, warmly but largely chastely, and took him inside to bed, where they could be warm.

He fell asleep tangled up loosely with Anakin, feeling him breathe but with thoughts of planet destroying weapons and Sith Worlds and... Vader circling his mind, making a puzzle that he didn't have enough pieces to solve.

Whether it was those thoughts of the Force deciding to scream a warning at him, his sleep wasn't peaceful for long.

His dream had more vividness and more clarity than any dream should ever have.

Everything hurt - everything. His back was on fire, his head throbbed, his throat hurt, his vision swam, and every breath sent a shocking stab of pain through his chest, with a deeper ache underneath. It was the sort of all encompassing sickening agony that transcended even being called pain anymore.

His vision swam into focus and he watched with detached fascination as a drop of blood fell on dull gray deck plates. Just as he realized he was on his knees and registered the hum of an engine, somewhere, the second drop fell and landed on a highly reflective black boot and he heard the harsh rasp of a respirator.

He started to look up but then both arms were yanked up with invisible force, dislocating both shoulders and forcing his head down.

He heard the hiss of a lightsaber igniting, saw the glow of red, thought execution position quite coherently, felt the air displaced by the swing, the first crackle of energy and heat against his exposed neck-

And jolted awake in the dark, heart racing, panting for air and clinging to Anakin hard.

It was impossible to not feel the Force swelling around Obi-Wan, even from the haze of sleep. Images pierced through that fog, but it was the feelings that were the most vivid - dragging him awake - pain shooting down Obi-Wan’s head and spine, shoulders dislocating, searing pain at the back of Obi-Wan’s neck. But through all this, it felt like he, Anakin, was an observer from a great distance.

This wasn’t his dream - he was just caught in the swirl of the Force around Obi-Wan, the focal point.

With frantic urgency Anakin woke up a fraction of a second after Obi-Wan. He reached out immediately - with his left hand, having enough foresight, or force of habit to lead with the hand that was least Vader-like.

He didn’t have to think about it for long. He knew what had just happened. Force visions were the worst.

“Obi-Wan,” he said, voice only slow because of sleep. “I’m here. I’m here.”

He grabbed Anakin's wrist and held it far harder than he would have in a more coherent state of mind. Not enough to do damage, probably not even bruise, but grind the relatively small bones in his wrist together? Yes.

It took him a second to process not only where he was, but to convince his mind that he was not still in pain and was in fact just fine. It took a bit longer to start seeing and hearing now.

It took him quite a bit longer than either of those to unclench his jaw and take a normal breath.

"Well, someone's mad...."

Nausea would be sticking around for a while. "Are you all right?"

Priorities.

Edited 2020-01-19 18:36 (UTC)

Obi-Wan, Anakin thought gently. “I’m fine.” He could take a bit of wrist gripping.

Now that Obi-Wan was more aware of his surroundings and not likely to be startled, Anakin moved to hold him.

“Who’s mad?” He didn’t want to make any assumptions. Whenever he had Force visions, he’d just wanted people to hear him and believe him. He would start there.

It took him a second or so to realize that being held meant he could hold Anakin, and that somehow made it more acceptable to his mind. He shuddered pretty hard as he started to physically relax.

"Vader. Vader is angry."

Anakin had guessed that. There were only two options here.

He didn't know if he was more relieved that the vision didn't involve Palpatine, or more concerned that Obi-Wan had another vision about Vader... killing him? He was sure that was the substance of the vision in a general sense.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

He shook his head mutely, at first, still working on handling his nausea. Once it was pushed back and he was aware of things like 'the bed under them' instead of just being awake.

"Only when you manage to separate yourself from him. I am not giving you more reason to hate yourself. You've had quite enough of that today."

He was starting to get concerned. He was not, however, trying to find a way to prevent it. They'd pass or he would, but Qui-Gon had managed to eventually drill him into paying more attention to the now than the future.

...He should have been able to do that for Anakin.

"Obi-Wan..." He got it. He'd had to take time to pick apart his emotions and reassemble them in the past. And he knew he would in the future. That was the reality of his brain and memories, it was unfair, but it was what it was.

But he didn't want Obi-Wan putting aside his own needs for fear it would hurt him. He got to choose what he could handle.

"I'm not going to push you... But if you need someone to help you process this, don't hold back because of me. I know what it's like to be in your place and to rationalize not telling others. It was a mistake." He tried to think of alternatives. "If you need to go spend time on the Jedi ship or meet with Bail, I can stay here." And watch out for the Lars from afar.

He almost just straight up argues with Anakin. Instead he nuzzles his face down into Anakin's hair and breathes out in a warm, soft, huff.

"Help me," he says, slowly, "and explain what I'm trying to accomplish in that first."

...Jedi.

Anakin often has a point, he's learning and realizing that more and more, but... Jedi. 'redirect your focus around or past it' is what he knows.

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