darkforcerising | OPEN POST

It was new. The Force was... usually comfortable for Obi-Wan. Something he could sink into and be at home. Reach into and be reached into by.

Usually.

He wasn't usually more than half afraid of the Force, even when it was roiling with Darkness. He knew it was irrational, but he still more than half-felt like if he really reached into it, the Darkness was either going to cling to him and never come out, or it would burn him.

It didn't matter. It was irrational and he'd get there, just wasn't quite there, yet and not what he was thinking about, anyway.

Because Anakin had just stunned him.

"We may not know the sense of it, but there is sense. It was deliberate. I felt it, and we may as well make as most good of it as we can." He poured the tea. "Though Qui-Gon always said that life is neither fair nor unfair, but up to us to make it either one. Whatever it is you remember me getting? Is probably exactly what I deserved." A pause.

He did not want Anakin to leave. He really did not. Which was mildly alarming.

"Absolutely not," Anakin said, and the intensity of his conviction had him crossing the space between them. "You deserve to be happy. You deserve a second life where - where the biggest thing you have to worry about is, I don't know, what moral philosopher to study that day. Not... betrayed by your friend and stuck on some trash planet all alone."

He noticed Anakin coming closer. He didn't quite notice him lifting his hand and putting it on Anakin's shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world. The front of his shoulder. Thumb just barely shy of Anakin's throat.

"I'm not alone," he pointed out, with a faint smile. "You showed up. History was rewritten the moment you appeared. No matter what the future does or does not hold. You've already changed the course of galactic history and my life." However it turned out. "Though maybe the life of philosophical study will be the next one. You certainly seemed to have gotten... more fairness out of this life than your previous one."

Edited 2020-01-15 05:31 (UTC)

And now they were standing close together again, of which Anakin was suddenly very aware. And it agitated him.

He reached for his cup of tea as an excuse to just not stand there.

"Well... if you want to listen to some moral philosophies from where I was, I have a few audio books on my phone- After I lost my arm," he explained, because he knew that sounded not like him. "I had to take public transportation everywhere. If I break listening time down into fifteen to twenty minute intervals, I can get through a books fairly easily. I listened to all kinds of books to stay interested."

Obi-Wan mostly became aware, again, of that desire to just... lean into Anakin. The desire to physically lean was less agitating to him than realizing that he wanted to lean emotionally, because that was not a thing he'd been willing, much less wanted, to do in at least 25 years. And He was 39.

He noticed he was touching Anakin but now that he was thinking about it couldn't figure out what to with either of his hands. He settled for leaving the one where it was, and sliding the other up a few inches to more... safely rest at the top of Anakin's shoulder, for lack of a better idea.

"It's a good idea. It probably would have helped Vader if I'd thought of something like that. I am interested, though." Very interested. "We're going to need something besides a Rebellion for you to do. Is there anything else I should have Bail acquire?"

The hands were fine where they were. Why move them?

"I'll think about it. But I want to name the transport and the droid."

Because noticing where your hands were instantly made anywhere they happened to be wrong. Especially if you were trying to figure out how to touch someone you shouldn't want to touch, especially and including when you were their friend.

"I haven't even looked at the droid, but I don't care what you name either one. Do tell me, though. I'm curious."

Anakin leaned on the counter, and in doing so, moved just ever so slightly closer to Obi-Wan.

"The ship - The Maverick, and the droid - Goose." There was a perfectly good explanation for his choices. Only the greatest movie ever made, that was the reason.

He finally remembered that he had tea and reached for it. He was careful that he did not end up further away from Anakin when he did, especially since it meant taking his hand off Anakin.

"I understand Maverick. But goose?"

Yes, they were just standing there, like nothing was awkward.

Did Obi-Wan really want to open that door? Did he even know what he was asking?

"They're characters in one of the greatest stories ever told, back where I was."

Obi-Wan's desire to open doors that should not be opened was rapidly becoming a problem. Maybe he could blame it on having opened the door of killing all but one living creatures on that ship.

"With a line like that you owe me at least a synopsis."

Well, Obi-Wan had asked. And it was an excuse to stay near him.

"Maverick and Goose - that's their call signs - are fighter pilots in training," he started to explain.

"They're best friends. They are top of their class, but Maverick is reckless. Which starts a rivalry with Iceman, who doesn't think Maverick deserves to be where he is. They all three prove themselves to get into an elite training program. In a practical exercise, Iceman interferes with Maverick and Goose's maneuvering, but Maverick won't back down. But this wrecks the engines of their fighter, and Maverick and Goose try to eject. And Maverick escapes successfully, but Goose breaks his neck in the attempt and dies. Maverick is devastated and almost drops out of the program. But he realizes that's not what Goose would have wanted. He and Iceman then have to work together on their first mission, and then they have a heart to heart and they figure out a way to work together."

"...Oh, it's one of those." He took a drink of his tea. "I suppose it's nice that some things truly transcend the limits of time and space."

Because it sounded terrible but in a way that many other stories were.

"Please don't break Goose's neck. Not that he has one." He put his tea down. "If there isn't alcohol in here, I will eat my cloak. Help me find it."

"The retelling of it was that bad, huh?" Anakin said with a smile.

But he willingly to help look for something stronger than tea. He opened doors until he found something.

He held up the bottle. "Found something." And he grabbed two glasses. Because, why not?

There was no why not. There was no shortage of reasons why.

"Bless Bail and is unending loyalty, foresight and practicality." He moved to Anakin. "Pour. I'm done with being awkward and uncomfortable. We've had enough of... everything today. Though if you've taken medication you shouldn't mix with it, don't"

Anakin sat at the table and poured each of them what he guessed was a kind of whiskey.

"I only take that one when I need to sleep. And as we are not sleeping yet, I'll be fine."

He picked up a glass and handed it to Obi-Wan.

"To not being awkward and uncomfortable?"

He tapped his glass lightly against Anakin's and tossed the of really strong, but smooth Alderaanian whiskey back like it was water.

"To not being awkward with good friends."

There was a message in there, and he wasn't going to spell it out.

"Why are you uncomfortable?"

"Because you're uncomfortable?" Anakin really wasn't sure. Yes, he was uncomfortable. But that must because Obi-Wan was uncomfortable.

"Why are you uncomfortable?"

"Because I realized I am getting awfully comfortable with touching you." He'd said he was done and he meant it. If that meant some blunt talk, so be it. He still didn't fully understand, but he got that part, at least.

That and - Okay, he would probably not be telling Anakin that he'd been stung when Anakin had called him no more or less special than any friend. That was just ridiculousness.

"Oh." Anakin looked at his drink and then threw it back.

"I didn't realize I was making you uncomfortable." And though he didn't want to say it, because that would be the end of it, he added, "We can stop. I know Jedi don't like that kind of closeness. I'm sorry I... pushed you into it."

He sighed, not the heavy sigh of exhaustion and sadness that had been most common lately, but impatience and irritation. The sigh escaped him as he refilled both their glasses.

"You didn't push. I am not uncomfortable because you pushed. I'm uncomfortable because-" Because why, Obi-Wan. Come on, he had to have an answer instead of a blank wall. "I'm uncomfortable because I'm not uncomfortable with it. I...." He trailed off, helplessly. "I don't want to stop." Which was the problem.

Well, the tip of the iceberg of the problem.

"I'm leaning on you."

Anakin steepled his hands in front of his mouth to suppress a laugh. And he looked down so that his eyes wouldn't give it away, but from all of this, how could Obi-Wan not know?

But really - Uncomfortable because he wasn't uncomfortable?

"Why does that make you uncomfortable," Anakin asked when he knew laughter wouldn't burst out of his mouth. "There's nothing wrong with touching someone if they consent to it. Or being touched if you consent to that."

He understood what Anakin was saying. He agreed with Anakin. Completely. He did not appreciate it, largely because he felt cornered into honesty by the necessity of having this conversation and there wasn't enough alcohol in the galaxy to make this conversation come easily for him.

"I touch people on a regular basis. I don't trust them this much nearly as often," he said and took the second shot of whiskey.

WEll, okay, he touched people on a regular basis in polite and non-intimate ways, and very rarely more familiar and intimate ones. Or much more intimate ones where there was no intimacy. The fact remained -

"We don't know that you're even capable of staying here!"

At first Anakin was stung by the idea that Obi-Wan might not trust him, even after the last month. But then he finished talking and something clicked. It was a cruel thing to love something death could touch. In Anakin's case - just popping out of existence.

Obi-Wan was afraid the person he'd come to rely on would just one day disappear. And to be fair, he'd just popped up. Object permanence was a great concern when it came to him. This is why it was called a social support network - a group of people you could rely on, never just one person bolstering you all the time.

"No one is ever truly leaves you," he said. "Not with the Force. We will always find each other in the Force."

He thought seriously of asking Anakin if he would like a list of people who had, very much left, and how long he had and how he would like that list prioritized, alphabetically or in concentric circles.

But he also knew he'd said the same thing to Anakin, and the fact that he'd now experienced more loss now than he had then, and had lost the framework that had made it bearable didn't really change anything. Maybe something about what had happened to his social support network? Which hadn't been Anakin had never truly understood but had made sense to him.

He also really was getting awfully close to a lot of things that were dangerous - like premeditated murder, attachment and fear - to keep going down that path.

"I know." And also: "Focus on the present." Not the future. "I'm fine. I just needed us past that-" Whatever it was.

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