darkforcerising | OPEN POST

Anakin leaned on the counter, and in doing so, moved just ever so slightly closer to Obi-Wan.

"The ship - The Maverick, and the droid - Goose." There was a perfectly good explanation for his choices. Only the greatest movie ever made, that was the reason.

He finally remembered that he had tea and reached for it. He was careful that he did not end up further away from Anakin when he did, especially since it meant taking his hand off Anakin.

"I understand Maverick. But goose?"

Yes, they were just standing there, like nothing was awkward.

Did Obi-Wan really want to open that door? Did he even know what he was asking?

"They're characters in one of the greatest stories ever told, back where I was."

Obi-Wan's desire to open doors that should not be opened was rapidly becoming a problem. Maybe he could blame it on having opened the door of killing all but one living creatures on that ship.

"With a line like that you owe me at least a synopsis."

Well, Obi-Wan had asked. And it was an excuse to stay near him.

"Maverick and Goose - that's their call signs - are fighter pilots in training," he started to explain.

"They're best friends. They are top of their class, but Maverick is reckless. Which starts a rivalry with Iceman, who doesn't think Maverick deserves to be where he is. They all three prove themselves to get into an elite training program. In a practical exercise, Iceman interferes with Maverick and Goose's maneuvering, but Maverick won't back down. But this wrecks the engines of their fighter, and Maverick and Goose try to eject. And Maverick escapes successfully, but Goose breaks his neck in the attempt and dies. Maverick is devastated and almost drops out of the program. But he realizes that's not what Goose would have wanted. He and Iceman then have to work together on their first mission, and then they have a heart to heart and they figure out a way to work together."

"...Oh, it's one of those." He took a drink of his tea. "I suppose it's nice that some things truly transcend the limits of time and space."

Because it sounded terrible but in a way that many other stories were.

"Please don't break Goose's neck. Not that he has one." He put his tea down. "If there isn't alcohol in here, I will eat my cloak. Help me find it."

"The retelling of it was that bad, huh?" Anakin said with a smile.

But he willingly to help look for something stronger than tea. He opened doors until he found something.

He held up the bottle. "Found something." And he grabbed two glasses. Because, why not?

There was no why not. There was no shortage of reasons why.

"Bless Bail and is unending loyalty, foresight and practicality." He moved to Anakin. "Pour. I'm done with being awkward and uncomfortable. We've had enough of... everything today. Though if you've taken medication you shouldn't mix with it, don't"

Anakin sat at the table and poured each of them what he guessed was a kind of whiskey.

"I only take that one when I need to sleep. And as we are not sleeping yet, I'll be fine."

He picked up a glass and handed it to Obi-Wan.

"To not being awkward and uncomfortable?"

He tapped his glass lightly against Anakin's and tossed the of really strong, but smooth Alderaanian whiskey back like it was water.

"To not being awkward with good friends."

There was a message in there, and he wasn't going to spell it out.

"Why are you uncomfortable?"

"Because you're uncomfortable?" Anakin really wasn't sure. Yes, he was uncomfortable. But that must because Obi-Wan was uncomfortable.

"Why are you uncomfortable?"

"Because I realized I am getting awfully comfortable with touching you." He'd said he was done and he meant it. If that meant some blunt talk, so be it. He still didn't fully understand, but he got that part, at least.

That and - Okay, he would probably not be telling Anakin that he'd been stung when Anakin had called him no more or less special than any friend. That was just ridiculousness.

"Oh." Anakin looked at his drink and then threw it back.

"I didn't realize I was making you uncomfortable." And though he didn't want to say it, because that would be the end of it, he added, "We can stop. I know Jedi don't like that kind of closeness. I'm sorry I... pushed you into it."

He sighed, not the heavy sigh of exhaustion and sadness that had been most common lately, but impatience and irritation. The sigh escaped him as he refilled both their glasses.

"You didn't push. I am not uncomfortable because you pushed. I'm uncomfortable because-" Because why, Obi-Wan. Come on, he had to have an answer instead of a blank wall. "I'm uncomfortable because I'm not uncomfortable with it. I...." He trailed off, helplessly. "I don't want to stop." Which was the problem.

Well, the tip of the iceberg of the problem.

"I'm leaning on you."

Anakin steepled his hands in front of his mouth to suppress a laugh. And he looked down so that his eyes wouldn't give it away, but from all of this, how could Obi-Wan not know?

But really - Uncomfortable because he wasn't uncomfortable?

"Why does that make you uncomfortable," Anakin asked when he knew laughter wouldn't burst out of his mouth. "There's nothing wrong with touching someone if they consent to it. Or being touched if you consent to that."

He understood what Anakin was saying. He agreed with Anakin. Completely. He did not appreciate it, largely because he felt cornered into honesty by the necessity of having this conversation and there wasn't enough alcohol in the galaxy to make this conversation come easily for him.

"I touch people on a regular basis. I don't trust them this much nearly as often," he said and took the second shot of whiskey.

WEll, okay, he touched people on a regular basis in polite and non-intimate ways, and very rarely more familiar and intimate ones. Or much more intimate ones where there was no intimacy. The fact remained -

"We don't know that you're even capable of staying here!"

At first Anakin was stung by the idea that Obi-Wan might not trust him, even after the last month. But then he finished talking and something clicked. It was a cruel thing to love something death could touch. In Anakin's case - just popping out of existence.

Obi-Wan was afraid the person he'd come to rely on would just one day disappear. And to be fair, he'd just popped up. Object permanence was a great concern when it came to him. This is why it was called a social support network - a group of people you could rely on, never just one person bolstering you all the time.

"No one is ever truly leaves you," he said. "Not with the Force. We will always find each other in the Force."

He thought seriously of asking Anakin if he would like a list of people who had, very much left, and how long he had and how he would like that list prioritized, alphabetically or in concentric circles.

But he also knew he'd said the same thing to Anakin, and the fact that he'd now experienced more loss now than he had then, and had lost the framework that had made it bearable didn't really change anything. Maybe something about what had happened to his social support network? Which hadn't been Anakin had never truly understood but had made sense to him.

He also really was getting awfully close to a lot of things that were dangerous - like premeditated murder, attachment and fear - to keep going down that path.

"I know." And also: "Focus on the present." Not the future. "I'm fine. I just needed us past that-" Whatever it was.

Past what? Were they at something and now it was gone?

"I'm going to stay as long as I can. The Force and I have a mixed relationship, but it owes me. And I want to stay here."

He meant the awkwardness. He wished that, rather than the other ...whatever it was - ease? Comfort? ...need? -thing.

"I know. And I'm glad you to want to stay. Now keep drinking until we're back to a point where we're both comfortable collapsed on the floor and in tears."

Maybe, actually, this was some strange diversion. Being unable to cope with what happened today. Finding something minor to pull at.

Anakin laughed and poured them another drink.

"It all makes sense now," he said. Then threw back the drink. "If that's your definition of comfortable, I can see why just talking here is very strange."

"The problem isn't talking, Anakin, it's saying anything that matters."

Truer words he had probably never spoken about himself, but this was his ... fourth drink to Anakin's second and he was, at least, finally feeling some effect. Nothing terribly strong - he could drink - but enough to have him relaxing and to feel warmth.

"I meant it when I said you didn't need to be responsible for... safe-guarding my sanity, I suppose." What he means is 'turning into everything he has sworn to fight', but even now those words weren't ones he wants to give voice to. "You have enough of your plate. I could feel Vader's memories trying to surface while you were interacting with the Inquisitor. I can only imagine how hard that was."

Well, if that wasn’t sobering...

Anakin looked down at his glass because it was something not Obi-Wan’s earnest face to look at. He shouldn’t feel ashamed for that. As much as Obi-Wan couldn’t help recalling memories from Mustafar, Anakin couldn’t help his own brain from bringing up his past. And yet... he was suddenly not all right.

“Sometimes...” he started, and then tried to shrug it off. “Sometime helping someone you care about helps you with your own problems.”

The thought of how easily Obi-Wan had felt him slip, if even just a little had him pouring another drink.

His shields were breaking down, he realized. Alcohol? Exhaustion? Trauma? Some combination of them all, likely, but while he was usually aware enough - especially of Anakin - it didn't usually feel as direct as it did just then.

"Yes, and sometimes someone who cares about you needs to keep forcing you to acknowledge what you would rather not, if only so they can repeatedly remind you that you are more than that." A tiny pause, because he did realize he was hurting Anakin, but also that the one thing Anakin needed to believe was the one thing he couldn't stand to hear. He'd said it once, tried more than that in other ways, but.

He set his glass aside and pushed up to sit on the edge of the counter, still incredibly close. "Anakin.... Vader's memories existing within you horrify me, but they horrify me because you are not Vader and no innocent person should be subjected to that ...torture. You lived and you died and are every bit as... new and bright as the blade of your saber. Let. Me. Help. You."

“I’m not...” Anakin choked on the words. Shaking his head. He wasn’t innocent.

He needed to hear someone say it exactly like that. He’d been living that second life, had made stupid, average mistakes. But he’d never even provoke a fist fight, or been in one, and then he got memories of committing murder, massacres, eventually genocide. That hadn’t been him.

He blinked and realized it was his turn to cry.

He leaned towards Obi-Wan, a hand reaching up to pull the other man close so their foreheads touched. “Take it to mean I know what to look for to keep you you.”

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