darkforcerising | OPEN POST

Who: Aunakin and Canakin
What: Pausing the war to pay respects to the dead
When: Now
Where: Tatooine
Rating/Warnings: Maybe some swearing

The shuttle broke through the twisting web of blue-white light of lightspeed into the darkness of space. The dusty planet of Tatooine loomed large in the viewport, and beyond it and its moons hung the unforgiving light of two burning stars.

Anakin remembered the coordinates to Owen Lars' farm and set a course.

"You can stay on the shuttle," he said to the person sitting in the chair next to him. "You don't have to come with me."

He knew his twin wouldn't experience this the same way he would, that this trip was for himself.

Some part of him didn't know why he'd even agreed to come. Some part of him knew he wasn't ready to never see her again, no matter how it hurt.

"I. I might." He didn't know what he wanted. He hasn't been back here since they buried her. He didn't know if he could and he didn't want his own grief to overshadow his twin's.

Anakin didn't question this. He had his own feelings to deal with. He'd lost his mother twice, and both times he'd felt guilt in some way. Though the first time by far outshone the second, even if his mother wasn't less dead the second time.

"Explaining two of us to Owen and Beru would be tricky," he said.

"They may not see us if so, these places are a lot of work." They may not even be at the homestead, which would be best. Cliegg might be awkward, but what could be done?

None of this stopped him from glaring at the suns, as he could do something about them.

"I hope they're home, I kind of want to see them," he said. The suns just kept getting brighter the closer they got to the surface of the planet.

"I want to give condolences about Owen's dad and..." And an apology of some kind? Sorry I ordered your death, that probably won't happen that way now, but it happened that way for me. He wouldn't tell them anything about the future, but he could say something kind.

"It would be nice to have someone to talk to about Mom. But not here." He just couldn't passed his hatred of the planet. Mom was the only good thing about it and she was gone now.

"Do kinda wish I could replace Threepio with a droid for them. They probably need it out here." And maybe one combat capable. Just in case.

“They’re some of the very few people left alive who have any memories of her,” he pointed out. And there was Watto, but there was no way he was going to hunt down that asshole.

“They’d probably like to talk about her, too.”

"I know." He didn't have to like it. "Talking to Threepio isn't the same abd Padmé only knew her so briefly and it makes her sad." He thought about returning to the slave quarters but want sure he could without causing an incident.

"I guess. I mean. I don't think about them like that." As her family. There given her up for dead.

“She was part of their lives for five years. They loved her, too,” Anakin said kindly. “That doesn’t mean you love her less, or that your love mattered less. It just means she had multiple good things in her life.”

"Good would have been getting her away from this damned dustball." They was almost certainly guilt talking, not that it helped.

He'd failed her.

Anakin understood that guilt, he felt it himself, still. He had to constantly remind himself it wasn't his fault, he was one person fighting against a sea of oppression. But this gave him insight into what his twin was going through. He didn't just feel the guilt from him, he understood why.

"It wasn't your fault," he said. And to drive it home more, he asked, "Would she say it was your fault?"

He'd known something was terribly terribly wrong. He'd known. And he'd allowed himself to be convinced otherwise until it was far too late. Of course this was his fault.

"That we can't control the big things." It's mumbled, because he knew that's what she'd say. "And that her place was here." 'Don't look back' echoed in his mind, and he wondered, not for the first time, if his mother hadn't been slightly Force Sensitive herself. It's not like he had any way of finding out.

That was not an answer to his question, and he knew his twin was avoiding answering it.

"She would say it wasn't your fault," he said clearly.

"You trusted the people put in charge of your wellbeing. They were wrong, not you. They failed you and her. She would understand that. She would not blame you. She would never blame you."

"Just because she never blamed me doesn't make it not my fault." Knowing, and he did know, that she never blamed him somehow made it worse. He had known and he hadn't done enough.

"At least," Anakin said, retreated a bit on the subject. He wasn't trying to push his twin over the edge. "Place some of the blame where it belongs- on the Jedi for not listening to you. On the Republic for not caring about places like Tatooine. And on the Raiders that kidnapped her. Not acknowledging their part in this is kind of like lying."

"I do blame them." It's said with a snarl, lips peeled back and flashing teeth. Vicious karking animals.

"Some of the Republic is trying but they don't have a presence out here. They only do when they want something, they aren't any better really." Was his twin sure he wanted to open this door?

"And the Jedi don't give a damn about me. Much less her." None of that lessened his guilt. He knew. He was her (free) son.

They were skimming over the surface of the planet now, fast approaching the homestead.

Anakin wasn’t fazed by his twin’s anger, sometimes being angry was productive. They were in a fairly safe space, it was okay to release some of that anger.

“I’m glad you can see their roll in what happened. Do you forgive Obi-Wan?”

Given his anger could blaze like Tatooine's suns, this was fairly tame. Even the roaring to kill the Raiders (again).

"No." Anger made him sloppy, answering without thinking. "I mean. He didn't know they were visions. He didn't know what was going on." He tried again. Tried to mashes a resin not to be angry, not to blame Obi-Wan.

"But he should have. He was older than you, more experienced with the Force," Anakin countered. He wasn't mad, or forceful, just conversational. "And if he didn't know, it was his responsibility to help you find out what was going on. It's hubris that keeps guardians and parents from admitting they don't know all the answers. And then they make up answers. Mom never did that."

Edited 2019-12-30 16:19 (UTC)

"No, she didn't." If she didn't know, she admitted it. And she helped him find the answer if she could. "He thought I just missed her. He never had parents."

"I know." And after a pause he added. "It was still his duty. If you can forgive Obi-Wan, you get forgive yourself."

Anakin looked down at his lap, fiddling with his fingers. "I'm not she I have forgiven him." He hadn't, he just didn't want to admit it.

Anakin thought that was a good place to stop pushing his twin. There was time for more discussion later, one conversation didn’t solve everything.

And they were ready to land.

Once it was down, he asked, “I think you should come with, but it’s okay to stay. Do you want to come with?”

The good thing about the conversation - it distracted Anakin from entering the atmosphere and general piloting. The fact there wasn't a wrestling match for who got the controls. Well.

Anakin would say it's because his twin can't fly at home. In reality he just didn't know if he could make himself pilot the course.

"Are you sure? I know it's going to be different for you than me. And there are complications to both of us." He honestly wanted to go, which surprised him. But he'd be there with someone who understood what he was feeling.

“Yes, I’m sure,” he said, standing up. “We don’t have to have the same experience. And complications can be dealt with.”

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