darkforcerising | OPEN POST

He'd known something was terribly terribly wrong. He'd known. And he'd allowed himself to be convinced otherwise until it was far too late. Of course this was his fault.

"That we can't control the big things." It's mumbled, because he knew that's what she'd say. "And that her place was here." 'Don't look back' echoed in his mind, and he wondered, not for the first time, if his mother hadn't been slightly Force Sensitive herself. It's not like he had any way of finding out.

That was not an answer to his question, and he knew his twin was avoiding answering it.

"She would say it wasn't your fault," he said clearly.

"You trusted the people put in charge of your wellbeing. They were wrong, not you. They failed you and her. She would understand that. She would not blame you. She would never blame you."

"Just because she never blamed me doesn't make it not my fault." Knowing, and he did know, that she never blamed him somehow made it worse. He had known and he hadn't done enough.

"At least," Anakin said, retreated a bit on the subject. He wasn't trying to push his twin over the edge. "Place some of the blame where it belongs- on the Jedi for not listening to you. On the Republic for not caring about places like Tatooine. And on the Raiders that kidnapped her. Not acknowledging their part in this is kind of like lying."

"I do blame them." It's said with a snarl, lips peeled back and flashing teeth. Vicious karking animals.

"Some of the Republic is trying but they don't have a presence out here. They only do when they want something, they aren't any better really." Was his twin sure he wanted to open this door?

"And the Jedi don't give a damn about me. Much less her." None of that lessened his guilt. He knew. He was her (free) son.

They were skimming over the surface of the planet now, fast approaching the homestead.

Anakin wasn’t fazed by his twin’s anger, sometimes being angry was productive. They were in a fairly safe space, it was okay to release some of that anger.

“I’m glad you can see their roll in what happened. Do you forgive Obi-Wan?”

Given his anger could blaze like Tatooine's suns, this was fairly tame. Even the roaring to kill the Raiders (again).

"No." Anger made him sloppy, answering without thinking. "I mean. He didn't know they were visions. He didn't know what was going on." He tried again. Tried to mashes a resin not to be angry, not to blame Obi-Wan.

"But he should have. He was older than you, more experienced with the Force," Anakin countered. He wasn't mad, or forceful, just conversational. "And if he didn't know, it was his responsibility to help you find out what was going on. It's hubris that keeps guardians and parents from admitting they don't know all the answers. And then they make up answers. Mom never did that."

Edited 2019-12-30 16:19 (UTC)

"No, she didn't." If she didn't know, she admitted it. And she helped him find the answer if she could. "He thought I just missed her. He never had parents."

"I know." And after a pause he added. "It was still his duty. If you can forgive Obi-Wan, you get forgive yourself."

Anakin looked down at his lap, fiddling with his fingers. "I'm not she I have forgiven him." He hadn't, he just didn't want to admit it.

Anakin thought that was a good place to stop pushing his twin. There was time for more discussion later, one conversation didn’t solve everything.

And they were ready to land.

Once it was down, he asked, “I think you should come with, but it’s okay to stay. Do you want to come with?”

The good thing about the conversation - it distracted Anakin from entering the atmosphere and general piloting. The fact there wasn't a wrestling match for who got the controls. Well.

Anakin would say it's because his twin can't fly at home. In reality he just didn't know if he could make himself pilot the course.

"Are you sure? I know it's going to be different for you than me. And there are complications to both of us." He honestly wanted to go, which surprised him. But he'd be there with someone who understood what he was feeling.

“Yes, I’m sure,” he said, standing up. “We don’t have to have the same experience. And complications can be dealt with.”

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